Ched Evans put out a “statement” on his acquittal. It is, of course, disgusting.

In the early hours of 30th May 2011 an incident occurred in North Wales that was to change my life and the lives of others for ever. That incident did not involve the commission of a criminal offence and today I am overwhelmed with relief that the Jury agreed.

“An incident occurred” – by which he means his friends found a falling down drunk woman outside a kebab shop and brought her to a hotel room, where he fucked her. But it sounds so much nicer if you call it an incident and say it occurred.

Whilst my innocence has now been established, I wish