Vice tells us
…we are recirculating this article by British poet, model and activist Kai Isaiah-Jamal about how allies can make the world a better place for trans people.
But what if we have no ambition to “make the world a better place for trans people”? What if we’re not moved to single out that one particular (very small) set of people for extra concern and pampering? What if, on the contrary, we think they should stop making all these demands for extra special treatment?
Let’s cut the shit – there’s no positive way a cis person can dictate or speak on a life that you do not live and a world you do not have to navigate as a trans person.
See that’s a really bad way to start a plea – let alone a demand – for extra concern and pampering. That kind of start is one reason I have no ambition to single trans people out for extra concern and pampering. They keep demanding extra concern and pampering, in a world riddled with wars and genocides and famines and natural disasters and persecution. It’s ugly. It’s ugly and selfish and precious and utterly clueless. There are literally billions of people on the planet who need extra concern far more than “trans” people in the UK or the US.
There’s that, and then much more trivial but still irritating is this business of starting a “be nicer to us” with “first of all shut up.”
In a world where misconstrued ideas about trans folk – what we need, what we deserve, how we should live – fall from the lips of so many cis people, we need to end the debate on whether trans womxn are womxn, whether we should be able to use the correct bathrooms and changing rooms, and whether we should be parents or teachers. Because it’s not a debate. We are entitled to our human rights just as much as everyone else.
That’s cute, that “fall from the lips” – as if there’s something especially disgusting about “cis” people (meaning women, of course) saying things. Again, great way to persuade us to coddle and cuddle and embrace you.
And the thinking is no good. Of course trans people are entitled to their human rights like everyone else. It’s not a human right to force people to agree that men can be women by saying they are women. It’s not a human right for men to use women’s changing rooms and toilets. It’s not a human right to be a teacher. It’s not even a human right to be a parent in the sense of “no matter what.” If a parent is abusive or dangerous, that parent may lose parental rights.
What we actually need are ears, eyes, and action. We need you to listen to our problems and our voices. We need you to be on the look out for how you can use your privilege for our benefit and not yours, and how to actively respond to, argue with, and call out transphobia in your everyday conversations and the national news.
They need us to give them all our time and attention.
No.
There follows a list of 100 ludicrous demands.
17. If you are called out for being offensive, do not argue. This is not a debate. Apologise. Take a moment to reflect. If necessary, leave or give the space over to those you have offended or upset.
That’s convenient, isn’t it. Trans people are always right and the rest of us are always wrong; no exceptions.
18. Never try to argue with a trans person that something isn’t transphobic.
See above.
29. Talk to the generation above you – your parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. You can’t always change traditional mindsets, but you can give them a new perspective.
People who are older than you are always wrong. There are no exceptions to this rule.
30. Support the generation below; speak to young kids. Make them aware that gender is a spectrum and they don’t have to commit to one gender for their whole life. Educate them on their freedom and choices.
People who are older than you are always wrong except when we are talking to people younger than we are. There are no exceptions to this rule.
39. If you are dating a trans person, try to understand their triggers. For example, me and my partner call my menstrual cycle “Lucifer.” So if I text her to say “Lucifer is here,” she knows to bring chocolate and pillows. You can also try covering tampon or pad boxes and wrapping with cute cartoons or their favourite colour.
40. Buy a whole truckload of pacifiers.
51. Do not make someone feel bad after dragging you for something you have done that is deemed transphobic. Your guilt is not my guilt to feel.
Again – it’s impossible to stress this enough – we are always right, and you are always wrong.
52. Don’t ask what gender dysphoria feels like because it’s a stupid question and there’s no way you can try to understand it.
But you have to act on the assumption that it’s real and powerful and the cause of everything. Clear?
54. Do anything you can to stop trans exclusionary radical feminists (TERFs) from leaving stickers, leaflets etc. Tear down everything you see associated with them.
Feminist women are the enemy. Clear?
63. Offer shelter, money, food etc. The basics of survival are hard for trans folk. If you have enough to spare, try to offer.
Give us all your money. We want it, you have it, hand it over. Now.
70. Decolonise the way you think of gender. Remind yourself that these social constructs are postcolonial issues that the western world have pushed onto people.
Remind yourself that whales can fly and there are fairies at the bottom of the garden.
75. Don’t forget that racism is rife in the queer community and trans people of colour are often the most vulnerable. Protect us.
Wait what? I thought the queer community was the best, the perfect, the only community? It’s rife with racism now? Am I in the wrong classroom?
77. Sex work is a service. Again, this is not up for debate. Do not try to stop trans folk from advocating for and implementing their own safety measures. Do not hide your prejudice against sex workers with fake worry.
This is not up for debate and neither is anything else I say. Shut up and do what I tell you.
88. Fight for our rights. Block and report pages or people spreading hate, too.
Rights are for us. Blocking and reporting is for everyone else.
96. Do not deny your privilege. If you tell me that being a cis heterosexual white man doesn’t mean you haven’t “had it rough,” I will tell you that you are wrong.
And if you tell me that I am wrong, you will be wrong. I am always right, you are always wrong. See above.
98. Not everything needs labels. As my grandmother would say: “Baby, some things just be as they be.”
Which is the opposite of 1-97 but never mind that – avoiding contradiction is for cis people.