The cis-privilege of cats
Look at all the good she does. (The Washington Post files this story under Inspired Life.)
My new cats were freaking out. In carriers in the back seat of the car, they yowled their displeasure. I reassured them: “Don’t worry boys, we’ll be home soon.”
Whoops! I had called them boys, when in fact they were girls. An understandable mistake, as I’ve had cats for about 50 years, and all of them have been male. “I’m going to have to work on using the right pronouns,” I thought. And then another thought: “Why? They’re cats.”
Yo – “boys” is not a pronoun, and neither is “girls.”
That’s when I decided to raise my cats to be gender neutral.
The cats’ lives wouldn’t change, I reasoned, and it would help me learn to use plural pronouns for my friends, neighbors and colleagues who individually go by they, their and them. Even though using they, them and their as singular pronouns grates on many people because it’s grammatically incorrect, it seems to be the most popular solution to the question of how to identify people without requiring them to conform to the gender binary of female and male.
She apparently knows a huge number of people who go by they, their and them. Even the neighbors are non-binary.
Anyway she put the plan in action.
I’d make a mistake (called “misgendering”), saying something like “Where’s your brother?” (Yes, I talk to my cats.) Usually, I’d remember to fix it (“Where’s your sibling?” or “Where’s your pal?”). Just as I’d hoped, I began finding it easier to remember to use gender-neutral language for the humans in my life.
The cats, however, kept trying to escape.
And I began to get an infinitesimal taste of what transgender and gender-nonconforming people face. I’m not talking about the outright bigotry and hatred –something I can’t know without being in their shoes — but the complete cluelessness. Friends would come over, I’d introduce the cats and their pronouns, and some would ask, “But what ARE they?” Some would randomly use “he” and “she.” Some would stumble, unable to form a sentence when talking about one of the cats.
This despite the fact that so many of her friends, neighbors and colleagues are non-binary.
At any rate I trust she shamed them thoroughly for being so clueless, and especially for randomly using “he” and “she.” (I wonder if it was really random. I wonder if the friends managed the not-difficult trick of glancing at the cats’ back ends and thus discerning their sex and calling them “she” not at random after all.)
Things got a little more real when Essence got sick. They were really sick.
There’s that drawback again. She confused me. (Lauren Taylor, the author, not Essence.) I thought she’d said Essence got sick then that both cats were really sick, which was odd. Then I realized she meant Essence was really sick, but “they were” introduced that silly ambiguity. Also, how odd to say it in a new sentence – so she said it that way on purpose, to make her ridiculous point.
So then it became a huge worrying problem, what pronouns to use with all the people at the vets’. (Aren’t there lots of non-binary people there too? She knows so many of them, there must be plenty at the vet office, surely.)
Before the illness was over, we saw five vets, two sets of front desk people, and countless vet techs. I chose to fall back on my cis-gender privilege (look it up) and used the singular pronoun for Essence.
Um. I don’t think calling her cat “she” is part of her cis-gender privilege. You could say it’s part of her cat’s cis-gender privilege, if you wanted to, but then everybody would laugh, not just most people.
I understood that wouldn’t have been so easy if I were the patient — or if Essence were human.
So isn’t that species-privilege? Or species-privilege combined with feline cis-privilege?
While all of this was unfolding, friends would ask me: How is your cat? “They’re better” or “The same. The vets don’t know what’s wrong with them,” I’d say. “Wait a minute—are they both sick?” people would reply, confused.
Yeah, duh. That’s because you have two cats and your project was ridiculous.
People are coming to understand that not all of us fit into the “girl” box or the “boy” box.
No. No. No. No. You’re forgetting feminism. Feminism has been saying this for decades. It’s not a hot new discovery and it’s not exclusive to people who call themselves “non-binary.”
I look forward to being told this piece was actually satire.
I told my cat about the article.
She proceeded to wash her bum.
Easy for her, without those bumps getting in the way.
An example of Poe’s Law: There is no way to tell the difference between a serious article and satire.
I was wondering how this article could be translated into Chinese. The written language distinguishes between “he”, “she” and “it” but the spoken language doesn’t; they are all pronounced “tā” with plurals pronounced “tāmen”. It is sometimes impossible to tell the gender of someone being spoken about in Chinese, especially as many names and most job titles are not gender-specific. But nobody seems to care, presumably on the grounds that if it were relevant someone would mention it.
For the love of a good cuppa! They’re bloody cats. I’m sure Essence wouldn’t have been mortally offended if the conversation had gone “How’s the cat?”. “It’s getting better, thanks”.
On a side note, I can’t quite decide who annoys me more; a person insisting on being referred to as ‘they’, or one referring to themself (that’s the proper use of the plural used as a singular descriptor, as used since forever) in the third person.
This reminds me of hiking with my husband. Every time I would get fed up with the walk, he would say “Just over the next hill/ridge/peak.” Of course, there was always another one…
Every time I think that we have reached the peak of gender silliness, another article appears to prove me wrong.
My pronouns are I, me, don’t care, whatever.
P.S. You cannot impose gender on cats.
Not if you want to live.
My grandma always said that dogs were boys and cats were girls. Dogs were “he” and cats were “she.” I never really understood it, but I always sort of did understand it, in a kid sort of way, what with dogs generally being bigger and dopier and more plodding and cats generally being smaller and smarter and sleeker.
And then I find myself, as I type those words, wondering how sexist I am being for describing my grandmother’s actions, and my reaction, from 40 years ago.
And then I think: Will the Purity Left consider it a gross violation that I even refer to my grandmother as my grand”mother”? Isn’t “mother” too female, too womanly? Isn’t my grandmother … er, isn’t “they” (if you’re going to be singular, be singular already) really just a baby-having meat-sack who birthed the baby-having meat-sack who birthed me? That makes they, what, my grand-baby-having meat-sack?
And, oh, hey! I just remember that my grand-baby-having meat-sack’s favorite song was “A Boy Named Sue,” by Johnny Cash. It just tickled they, I believe because their name was Sue. I suspect that they would lament that a song like that couldn’t exist today.
Enough with the kidding. Seriously now: What’s with the “They’re better”? Should it not be “They is better?” Someone help me here. We, collectively, are now calling “they” singular when referring to a singular person, correct? Why is it not “They is…”?
I just asked my cat about his gender identity.
“You should have thought about that before you had my balls cut off,” he replied. “But, if you must know, I’m utterly bemused by this, largely because I’m a sodding cat.”
Except he said it in lolcat speech, obvs.
There is a perfectly serviceable English language gender-neutral singular third person pronoun suitable for reducing confusion at vets offices. And considering that all of your damn cats should be fixed anyway, using “it” serves as a good social reminder of the benefit of neutering.
That is hilarious. It’s like a linguistic “A Modest Proposal”.
All the comments make it so much funnier.
You know what? I call animals by pretty random pronouns unless they are remarkable for well known sexual dimorphism that is easily recognized, like a peacock vs. a peahen. While owners sometimes sound a bit cross when correcting me, I have never known a dog or cat to give a rat’s ass about pronouns, and, in fact, if a cat gives you a rat’s ass it is extremely fond of you and you can call it whatever you like.
In fact, I have known many animals that respond happily to nicknames like Scum-Sucker, Knucklehead, and Ferocious Jungle Beast.
What does the word “raise” mean here? You can’t “raise” cats to be gender neutral. Their behavior isn’t going to change because you use the singular “they” and stop saying “girl.” THE CATS DON’T CARE.
Whoops indeed! “In fact” they were girls!!? HOW DARE YOU CALL THEM IN FACT GIRLS YOU MONSTER.
How is this person on staff at a major newspaper?
Good points LM. It seems that in fact the writer was trying to retrain herself to address other people in a certain way (for whatever reason – politeness, purity, whatever?), even though she doesn’t actually believe the whole gender neutral claim stops someone being a ‘boy’ or a ‘girl’. Language tells the story.
Not address, but refer to. As far as I know, everyone expects the second person pronoun, “you”, when being addressed.
True.
I love these comments.
I always used the plural as a generic, not a cis/trans thing; this usage goes quite a ways back. I said “he or she” and “her or him” in formal contexts, but even then tended to resort to the plural form as less annoying.
Growing up I used it inconsistently, so my parents caught on that I often did it to conceal someone’s sex. “I’m spending the weekend with a friend. Their parents have a cottage on the beach.”
It’s very recent that I’ve seen it personalized (“I’m a they!”) in this way.
@ 8 TonyInBatavia
Conventional singular “they” doesn’t work that way:
“A person who goes out in the rain without an umbrella is likely to get wet.”
cf.
“If a person goes out in the rain without an umbrella they are likely to get wet.”
… or in one sentence:
“If a person is going out in the rain without an umbrella they are likely to get wet.”
The problem is not that two boxes is an insufficient number of boxes, but that there are boxes at all. Inventing new, shiny, bespoke boxes only demonstrates that these hip new gender theorists don’t have a fucking clue.
And hey, while we’re on the topic, a fairly complete list of the things I call my mum’s dog, only one of which is her actual name:
Your Dogness
Doglett
Doggles (similar to Biggles)
Tubby
Silly Dog
Silly One
Little One
Molly
Mollydog
Mollybog
Boglett
Because she’s a dog, and doesn’t care.
Boys? Girls? Thay’re bleedin’ cats.
As a person experienced at being owned by cats I would like to point out that there has never been a “boy” cat or a “girl” cat. They are toms and queens and all they care about is whether the kibble has been topped up or if the litter tray has been serviced to their exacting standards.
Correct English grammar, I think, would be quite happy to call them it. They will quite happily go along with this, particularly if accompanied by snacks.
For some reason, “Fortran” apparently sounds like a ‘male’ name and vets always call her “he”. Or, more frequently, “*THAT* cat”. I never bother to correct them, but when they realise they’ve mispronouned her, they’re always sincerely apologetic, presumably aware that some (lots of?) people weirdly take offence on behalf of their wrongly-referred-to cats.
When I tell the vets I don’t care, they drop it immediately, almost as if they personally think the whole thing is ridiculous. Vets have enough difficulty with her name (we’ve had “Fortarn”, “Fortayne” and, most commonly, “For….is…is it For…tran…?” I don’t care whether they get her name right, either. I just want them to patch up her latest injury.
Well, I didn’t like it at all when the vet called my partner’s dog “it”. It would be silly to call it dehumanising, but it’s… depersonalising. “It” sounds like an inanimate object, but she had emotions and a personality and everything.
So there.
Do you get terribly confused when someone uses the word “you”? It’s also used as both a singular and plural form. For instance, my first use of it above could be referring to Ophelia, or to any/all of the readers here. Do you find that unbearably imprecise? Do you long for someone to invent a new word to distinguish second-person singular from second-person plural?
Or do you just naturally and unconsciously figure it out based on context 99% of the time, ask for clarification the other 1%, and generally get on with your life without giving it a second thought?
@ 21 Holms
Dogs know their name. I didn’t believe they did. I had this conversation once with my partner:
Me: She doesn’t know her name. It’s just your tone of voice. She can tell you’re calling her.
Partner: No really, she knows her name.
Me: Get out of here. She’s a dog. She hears the right number of syllables in the right tone and knows you’re calling her, that’s all.
Partner: I’m telling you, she knows her name.
Me: *smugly* Watch… Daisy!
Dog: *no response*
Me: Daisy!
Dog: *pays no attention*
Me: Daisy! Daisy!
Dog: *complete indifference*
Me: Um… Molly?
Dog: *spins ’round instantly at full attention*
Me: *sheepish* Okay, she knows her name.
@26 Silent Bob:
Dogs can learn many words. The most commonly cited number is 165, I think, but I don’t know where that comes from. Cats can certainly learn a few words, including their names. Fortran always responds to her name, although she doesn’t always come when I call her. Contrary to popular belief, it isn’t difficult to train cats, although you need a lot of patience and to remember that cats aren’t as eager to please as are dog.
@ 25 Karellen
Ophelia does (IMHO) sometimes exaggerate the awkwardness of the singular “they”, like in this post:
But we navigate this sort thing all the time in other contexts, don’t we? Consider the following:
Bill and Mike caught up over a drink. He offered him a cigarette but he said he’d given up. He asked how his relationship was going and he said that they’d been through a rough patch, but things we’re getting better. Then he asked how the kids were and he said they were fine…
Confusing as fuck, right? Who’s the non-smoker, who has the relationship, who has kids? But we just wouldn’t write it that way. We’re used to dropping in proper nouns when they’re necessary to disambiguate. It’s not that hard.
@SilentBob#28 – exactly, and if people get used to using “they” as a third-person singular pronoun then they’ll naturally make the same disambiguations in speech/writing too.
What’s the alternative, referring to hypothetical third persons of indeterminate gender with a gendered pronoun? ‘He’ is problematic for reasons I shouldn’t need to go into here, and ‘she’ causes people to mentally double-take more than ‘they’ does. I like the idea of invented pronouns (‘ze’) but I always stumble over them when I come across them being used. Singular ‘they’ is technically correct[0] and appears to me to be much like democracy and old age – pretty bad, but better than the alternatives.
[0] The best kind of correct ;-)
Third person singular pronouns in English refer to sex, not gender.
@ 31 Ophelia Benson
I disagree with that. Mickey Mouse is called “he” and Minnie Mouse is called “she” — they don’t have a sex, they’re drawings. But they have a gender, which is the cultural concept of male and female divorced from actual reproductive ability.
Mansplain gender to me some more. I’ve never heard of it before.
@31 Silentbob, I believe the implication with Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse is not that they are sexless creatures who happen to randomly have gender identities, and/or stereotypical gender expressions, but rather that Mickey is of the male sex and Minnie is of the female sex.
Only, being children’s cartoon characters it wouldn’t be relevant (or considered appropriate,) to have them showing realistic genitals or copulating (although I do believe Minnie has breasts?)
As long as we are already lost in Disneyland, Donald is certainly an IT. Coyly covering its non-existing genitals from the birds on the bathroom’s window sill in that wonderfully capacious caravan we Swedes traditionally sit transfixed before every X-mas Eve at 3 PM.
Any other questions?