As if they were acts of violence
Men often react to women’s words – speaking and writing – as if they were acts of violence; sometimes men react to women’s words with violence. So we lower our voices. Women whisper, Women apologize. Women shut up. Women trivialize what we know. Women shrink. Women pull back. Most women have experienced enough dominance from men – control, violence, insult, contempt – that no threat seems empty.
Andrea Dworkin, Intercourse
I’ve met women from time to time who had been described to me as “loud” and “pushy”. Those are descriptors that have clear connotations in my mind, and these women did not meet the description of “loud” or of “pushy”. They did have confidence in themselves, and were not afraid of saying what they thought, so even if they spoke in a quiet voice and were totally polite, they would get branded.
Yes. I’ve been called “aggressive” after group projects where I bent over backwards to see that everyone got a chance to participate (but could pass if they wanted to), that everyone got a say in which part of the project they worked on, always asked if the suggested times and formats were acceptable to everyone.
It was simply the fact of me being in charge and acting like decisions were going to be made, when apparently women are supposed to hang back and wait for someone else to decide. “I don’t know, when do YOU want to meet?” isn’t my thing. It’s “How’s Tuesday work for everyone?”
So I’m aggressive. I felt bad about it until I realized they just had ridiculous expectations.