I’m so pleased to find out at last what asexuality looks like.
I did it! It was an honour to be the first asexual person to lead @PrideInLondon!
Asexual representation matters. Our recognition matters. Our protection matters. Our voices matter. We matter. Thank you all for your support throughout the day! 💜#ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLikepic.twitter.com/TA0FTpNrFz
— Yasmin Benoit, MSc (@theyasminbenoit) June 29, 2024
She’s a lingerie model, so I think she dresses like this to drum up business. I can sympathize with women who need to dress/act sexy for money even though they don’t feel sexual desire – that’s the whole sex industry really, although those women mostly probably do feel sexual desire outside of their work.
Also I feel like she’s trying to combat the idea that asexuals are just ugly people who actually want sex but can’t get it.
I don’t know. Seems like she “protesteth too much” to me. People can claim whatever they want about themselves. I don’t think I believe this person, though.
What “protection” are we supposed to imagine asexuals need?
And why the “we matter” shit? Lady, you matter exactly as much, and as little, as anybody else.
Why does she think her attitude towards sex is everybody’s business? And who are “we”? Why are people who don’t want to have sex suddenly a “community” (god I’m beginning to DESPISE that word)?
These are rhetorical questions. If this woman or a member of her “community” materialized in front of me I wouldn’t ask. Because they’d tell me. And then I’d die of exasperation.
“Asexual” is a sexual orientation or identity the way “bald” is a hair colour, and “not stamp collecting” is a hobby. How is it that these people can be a community united by something they don’t do or aren’t interested in? There a near infimite amount of things I don’t do and am not interested in. That doesn’t make me a part of any “community” and does not call upon the world to recognize or laud this disinterest in any way at all.
Why is it that they need protection, and from what exactly are they needing protection? If it’s from non-consentual sex, or sexual harassment, there are already laws for those very things (though certainly enforcement is a problem; ask women). I’m guessing though that’s not what they mean, the way trans “rights” means something other than the basic human and civil rights to which everyone is entitled, and which everyone enjoys (with enforcement and protection being issues). It sounds like they want more, something extra, to which they, and they alone may lay claim. What that could possibly be (apart from a toe-hold on a day/week/ month of a calendar not already claimed for the commemoration of Trans Something-or-Other) god only knows. It’s not like they’re an oppressed visible minority; in fact nobody would know what their attiudes towards or interest in sex was at all without massive oversharing. This is not something anyone else needs to know or care about. I know I don’t.
I don’t know how asexual people imagine we can tell them apart from anyone else. An asexual lingerie models looks very much like a sexual one to me. How are they being ‘discriminated against’ again? The assumption that most people will have sexual desire, based on the genuine fact that most people do have sexual desire? Jesus christ, the pride parade used to be about actual discrimination, not vanity.
From what I understand, they are ‘discriminated against’ because people are always trying to fix them up. Right. And as a divorced woman in my late 20s, I experienced the same thing. I didn’t like it, either. I didn’t feel it was discriminatory, just annoying. Get over yourselves.
How are they being ‘discriminated against’ again? The assumption that most people will have sexual desire, based on the genuine fact that most people do have sexual desire? Jesus christ, the pride parade used to be about actual discrimination, not vanity.
So what do they want? They want the attention, but not that kind of attention. Apparently. They see other people with all kinds of exotic and contrived “identities” and want in on the act. But craving attention means being singled out. Like the contradictory trans demands to be accepted and blend in while being centred and celebrated, aces want to not be “discriminated against”, but nobody would know they were asexual if they didn’t lead a parade waving a big flag. How are we to respect someone who says “DON’T TARGET ME!” as they paint themselves up with a big bullseye?
And I’m guessing if they change their minds, celebrity aeces will go running to the media with heartrending tales of their “coming out” as “sexual” after all, expecting front page coverage of their suffering and anguish.
I think the main complaint is that a lack of interest in sex makes dating weird and sometimes difficult. This is a situation best solved by specialized dating apps and has less to do with Pride than even the trans stuff does.
Maybe she is Ace, I don’t much care because it’s not my business and thankfully never will be. YNnB and iknklast have nicely argued the case for the ace community and how we should view them.
More on point, as Anna says, she’s a lingerie model, that’s why she dresses like that. If she wanted to campaign for Ace ‘rights’ and didn’t like how Ace people are ‘discriminated’ against, she’d dress like any other attractive woman who wasn’t interested in what others think of her appearance. Instead she dresses like a lingerie model – and not one of the top end ones. Reality is, by the standards of an awful, uncaring and abusive industry, she’s not just a niche product, she’s nearing her best before date. I reckon she pushes having an MSc (big deal I’ve got one) and her Ace status as a differentiator – something that makes her just a tiny bit more notable and gives her a tiny edge to stay relevant in an industry that relies on popular recognition as much as anything else. Good on her I guess, we all play the best hand we can with the cards we’ve got. It doesn’t mean anyone has to believe her, think she’s special, or regard her stance as especially principled or meaningful.
Most of the concrete complaints I’ve heard from Ace folks boil down, as iknklast indicates, not to ‘oppression’ but ‘annoyances’. People who insist that they just haven’t met the right person, or had good sex, or they need therapy to be fixed, or some other bullshit. And I’m sure it’s annoying, especially for ‘romantic aces’–people who like the idea of all the trappings of romance and companionship, but have no interest in sex, since we’re socially wired to see romantic appeals as inherently sexual. But that’s all it is–an annoyance.
This is a prime example, IMNSHO, of the problem with the idea of ‘microaggressions’, or at least how it’s come to be used. Microaggressions that aren’t backed by actual aggression don’t really do anything other than annoy. I would suggest that at least some of the above WOULD be legitimate examples for ace women, for instance, not because of their ace status, but because of being women. Ace men would face many of the same comments and misunderstandings, but it would never have the implicit threat that someone might try to literally force the issue. Women who have no interest in sex will, by many men, be viewed as even bigger targets, simply because some men are so infuriated by being told ‘no’.
Even the one ground noted in this discussion on which asexuals could be said to have a grievance (“people keep trying to fix us up”) runs into the difficulty that it’s not confined to asexuals and — as asexuals will be quick to point out to you — many “aces” date, form relationships, fall in love, have sex, etc.
So what’s the need for recognition? It’s another instance of a paradoxical need to be appreciated as different, but not treated as different.
“Look at me! I am special and unique and not like the rest of you! But I just wanted to treated like every other person. You know, like you boring normies!”
She’s a lingerie model, so I think she dresses like this to drum up business. I can sympathize with women who need to dress/act sexy for money even though they don’t feel sexual desire – that’s the whole sex industry really, although those women mostly probably do feel sexual desire outside of their work.
Also I feel like she’s trying to combat the idea that asexuals are just ugly people who actually want sex but can’t get it.
I don’t know. Seems like she “protesteth too much” to me. People can claim whatever they want about themselves. I don’t think I believe this person, though.
What “protection” are we supposed to imagine asexuals need?
And why the “we matter” shit? Lady, you matter exactly as much, and as little, as anybody else.
Why does she think her attitude towards sex is everybody’s business? And who are “we”? Why are people who don’t want to have sex suddenly a “community” (god I’m beginning to DESPISE that word)?
These are rhetorical questions. If this woman or a member of her “community” materialized in front of me I wouldn’t ask. Because they’d tell me. And then I’d die of exasperation.
“Asexual” is a sexual orientation or identity the way “bald” is a hair colour, and “not stamp collecting” is a hobby. How is it that these people can be a community united by something they don’t do or aren’t interested in? There a near infimite amount of things I don’t do and am not interested in. That doesn’t make me a part of any “community” and does not call upon the world to recognize or laud this disinterest in any way at all.
Why is it that they need protection, and from what exactly are they needing protection? If it’s from non-consentual sex, or sexual harassment, there are already laws for those very things (though certainly enforcement is a problem; ask women). I’m guessing though that’s not what they mean, the way trans “rights” means something other than the basic human and civil rights to which everyone is entitled, and which everyone enjoys (with enforcement and protection being issues). It sounds like they want more, something extra, to which they, and they alone may lay claim. What that could possibly be (apart from a toe-hold on a day/week/ month of a calendar not already claimed for the commemoration of Trans Something-or-Other) god only knows. It’s not like they’re an oppressed visible minority; in fact nobody would know what their attiudes towards or interest in sex was at all without massive oversharing. This is not something anyone else needs to know or care about. I know I don’t.
I don’t know how asexual people imagine we can tell them apart from anyone else. An asexual lingerie models looks very much like a sexual one to me. How are they being ‘discriminated against’ again? The assumption that most people will have sexual desire, based on the genuine fact that most people do have sexual desire? Jesus christ, the pride parade used to be about actual discrimination, not vanity.
From what I understand, they are ‘discriminated against’ because people are always trying to fix them up. Right. And as a divorced woman in my late 20s, I experienced the same thing. I didn’t like it, either. I didn’t feel it was discriminatory, just annoying. Get over yourselves.
So what do they want? They want the attention, but not that kind of attention. Apparently. They see other people with all kinds of exotic and contrived “identities” and want in on the act. But craving attention means being singled out. Like the contradictory trans demands to be accepted and blend in while being centred and celebrated, aces want to not be “discriminated against”, but nobody would know they were asexual if they didn’t lead a parade waving a big flag. How are we to respect someone who says “DON’T TARGET ME!” as they paint themselves up with a big bullseye?
And I’m guessing if they change their minds, celebrity aeces will go running to the media with heartrending tales of their “coming out” as “sexual” after all, expecting front page coverage of their suffering and anguish.
I think the main complaint is that a lack of interest in sex makes dating weird and sometimes difficult. This is a situation best solved by specialized dating apps and has less to do with Pride than even the trans stuff does.
Maybe she is Ace, I don’t much care because it’s not my business and thankfully never will be. YNnB and iknklast have nicely argued the case for the ace community and how we should view them.
More on point, as Anna says, she’s a lingerie model, that’s why she dresses like that. If she wanted to campaign for Ace ‘rights’ and didn’t like how Ace people are ‘discriminated’ against, she’d dress like any other attractive woman who wasn’t interested in what others think of her appearance. Instead she dresses like a lingerie model – and not one of the top end ones. Reality is, by the standards of an awful, uncaring and abusive industry, she’s not just a niche product, she’s nearing her best before date. I reckon she pushes having an MSc (big deal I’ve got one) and her Ace status as a differentiator – something that makes her just a tiny bit more notable and gives her a tiny edge to stay relevant in an industry that relies on popular recognition as much as anything else. Good on her I guess, we all play the best hand we can with the cards we’ve got. It doesn’t mean anyone has to believe her, think she’s special, or regard her stance as especially principled or meaningful.
Most of the concrete complaints I’ve heard from Ace folks boil down, as iknklast indicates, not to ‘oppression’ but ‘annoyances’. People who insist that they just haven’t met the right person, or had good sex, or they need therapy to be fixed, or some other bullshit. And I’m sure it’s annoying, especially for ‘romantic aces’–people who like the idea of all the trappings of romance and companionship, but have no interest in sex, since we’re socially wired to see romantic appeals as inherently sexual. But that’s all it is–an annoyance.
This is a prime example, IMNSHO, of the problem with the idea of ‘microaggressions’, or at least how it’s come to be used. Microaggressions that aren’t backed by actual aggression don’t really do anything other than annoy. I would suggest that at least some of the above WOULD be legitimate examples for ace women, for instance, not because of their ace status, but because of being women. Ace men would face many of the same comments and misunderstandings, but it would never have the implicit threat that someone might try to literally force the issue. Women who have no interest in sex will, by many men, be viewed as even bigger targets, simply because some men are so infuriated by being told ‘no’.
Nick Cohen has a good piece on a new book, ‘Infantilised: How Our Culture Killed Adulthood’ by Keith Hayward at
https://open.substack.com/pub/nickcohen/p/are-we-stupid-selfish-children-stumbling?r=1orca&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email
The book looks as though it suits this subject.
Even the one ground noted in this discussion on which asexuals could be said to have a grievance (“people keep trying to fix us up”) runs into the difficulty that it’s not confined to asexuals and — as asexuals will be quick to point out to you — many “aces” date, form relationships, fall in love, have sex, etc.
So what’s the need for recognition? It’s another instance of a paradoxical need to be appreciated as different, but not treated as different.
“Look at me! I am special and unique and not like the rest of you! But I just wanted to treated like every other person. You know, like you boring normies!”