Just ask PP
I’m curious about this “it’s a misconception that lesbians are women attracted to women” thing, so I’m looking for tracks. Here’s an item from Planned Parenthood’s blog March 23:
Someone asked us: I’m non-binary but also a lesbian. Does this mean I’m straight or does my sexuality have nothing to do with my actual gender, which is a girl?
Uh…wut? And why are you asking Planned Parenthood? You’re not going to be needing contraception.
PP explains:
Gender identity — like nonbinary or girl — is what gender you feel like and identify with. And sexual orientation — like lesbian and straight — is about who you’re attracted to.
Wut?
Confusion confusion confusion. “Gender identity” is a fad. Ignore it. Sexual orientation is about which sex you’re attracted to. Not a random meaningless ungrammatical “who” but which sex.
Sexual orientation has to do with both your gender and the type of people who turn you on or who you’d prefer to be sexual partners with. Sexual orientation labels say whether you’re attracted to your same gender, different genders than yours, both your and different genders, and other variations.
Wut?
Being “straight” usually means that you’re only attracted to people of the opposite gender. In our culture, straight usually means boys who are only attracted to girls, and girls who are only attracted to boys.
Unlike all those other exciting cultures where it means something completely different, which we won’t spell out because we’re already quite lost enough thanks.
A lesbian is usually a girl who’s sexually and/or romantically attracted to other girls. But some nonbinary people also identify as lesbians. So, use “lesbian” if that resonates with you.
Lesbian means woman or girl attracted to women or girls. That’s all. It’s quite easy once you get the hang of it. No need to worry about resonance.
Only you get to decide which labels make the most sense for you, and there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to be.
Well, yes and no. You won’t be arrested for getting all your words wrong, but it doesn’t follow that you should just talk gibberish because only you get to decide. Language has to be mutually comprehensible to be any use at all. It’s simply not true that there’s no right or wrong. Try visiting Paris and resolutely speaking English on all occasions, see how well that goes.
There are also lots of different sexual orientation labels people use beyond lesbian and straight, like: queer, gay, bisexual, pansexual, and skoliosexual. Some people may also use questioning or fluid if they’re not sure of their sexual orientation, or if it changes from time to time. Many people who have a sexual orientation other than “straight” use the umbrella term “queer” to describe their sexual orientation.
Many people are pretentious fools who spend far too much time talking about themselves.
I’m left wondering if there’s a Poe’s Law at work here. If I were to try to troll PP or some other organization, I might come up with something like this. “I’m non-binary, but my actual gender is a girl” (paraphrasing) is top-notch work. Actually writing something like “I’m a girl, but I call myself non-binary because I like to feel special” would be too on-the-nose and give up the game.
Is there a gender known as necrosexual? If not, there probably should be. As for me, I’m willing to be boring.
I know I’m attracted to “people” of the opposite sex but if I were offered a blind date with someone of the opposite gender I would need further clarification.
“I’m non-binary but also a lesbian. Does this mean I’m straight or does my sexuality have nothing to do with my actual gender, which is a girl?”
Huh? “I’m a lesbian; does this mean I’m straight?” What in the world is that supposed to mean? How does one (must use gender-neutral words here) decide that one is a lesbian, and then have questions about whether one is straight? Or is this perhaps a clumsily-worded phrasing of “I think I’m a lesbian, but maybe I’m actually straight, can you help me figure this out”?
Re “sexual orientation — like lesbian and straight — is about who you’re attracted to”: in the wild world of gender, they allow for things like “sapiosexual”, attracted to intelligent people, as a sexual orientation. Since people are specifying a complete and immutable personality profile of those they find attractive, I suppose they do mean “who”, even though that’s not really sexuality.
Okay, so I hadn’t heard one of those terms, and did some Googling:
You know, I remember the early days of the trans rights movement, when their complaints were more valid and their requests more reasonable, and in those days, they would’ve been calling this ‘fetishizing’ and it would have been considered a bad thing, because it would’ve been considered dehumanizing.
It would merely be amusing if they weren’t also taking the exact opposite view re: people attracted to individuals who are NOT transgender or non-binary, such as, say, lesbians.