But we didn’t invite them

Wait, though.

It sounds cuddly and friendly…until you think about it. People wanting to “join” you, whether you invited them to or not, whether you want them to or not, whether you have told them to go away and leave you alone or not, are not being warm and loving and full of solidarity – they’re being creepy, intrusive, demanding, and ultimately domineering and rapey.

We don’t have to welcome everyone who wants to join us, no questions asked, no matter what. It depends. In a public place where anyone can be anywhere then yes, people can join you. If you’re in a park or a theater or a restaurant, people can join you in those spaces. But if they want to join you in your living room, your kitchen, your shower? No, then you get a veto.

Being a woman is more like being in your shower than it is like being in a park. Men can’t join you in it without hogging the soap and knocking you over. Not invited.

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