Eye-lasers Man

Even funnier than the Director for Lived Experience – Trump with muscles:

Former US President Donald Trump has launched a collection of digital trading cards depicting him in various guises including a superhero, astronaut and Nascar driver.

Two of the available Trump NFTs.

There’s just one problem. He’s fat, and lazy, and clumsy, and a chickenshit. I suppose you could say those are four problems but I think it’s more efficient to bundle them into one “He’s not that guy.” He doesn’t stomp around in pseudo-military pants shooting ducks, and he doesn’t have that muscle definition under his business suit. He talks endlessly and stupidly, and he throws catsup at walls: that’s it, that’s the extent of his superpowerhood.

Mr Trump said: “These limited edition cards feature amazing ART of my Life & Career!”

Art. Sure, bro, right up there with Rembrandt and Vermeer.

Last month, the billionaire launched his third bid for the White House.

He triggered speculation this week after saying he would make a “major announcement”.

Some gullible people thought he was going to announce a running mate.

Instead, Mr Trump posted a promotional video on his social media platform, Truth Social.

The clip featured an animated version of the former president in front of the Trump Tower in New York, who rips open his shirt to reveal a superhero costume emblazoned with the letter T as lasers shoot from his eyes.

This is a grown man, not a five-year-old. A grown man who once had some frightening responsibilities. Let’s not ever do that again.

Later on Truth Social Mr Trump said the non-fungible tokens (NFTs) were “very much like a baseball card, but hopefully much more exciting”. He added that the cards, costing $99 (£81) each, “would make a great Christmas gift”.

Buyers will also be entered into a sweepstake, with the chance of winning prizes including a gala dinner or a game of golf with Mr Trump.

Those are prizes?

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