What “lesbian” means
Well, if you’re a novice lesbian looking for advice on how to get started, I suggest not consulting healthline. Its guide for beginners is kind of…wrong.
Before we talk about lesbian sex, let’s talk about what the phrase means.
Ok – the phrase means female-female sex. It means same-sex sex for female people. What’s there to talk about?
Usually, people use the term “lesbian sex” to mean sex between two women.
Usually? If sometimes people use the term to mean something else, then they’re using the wrong term…unless you just mean “because hahaha it can be between two or three or ten women!”
If that’s the case, remember that those women might not identify as lesbian.
Ok, maybe they’re in denial, maybe they’re experimenting, who cares. Where are you going with this?
For example, they could identify as bisexual, pansexual, queer, or even heterosexual. Sex between women isn’t limited to lesbians.
Ok but this was supposed to be about lesbian sex, so can you stop throat-clearing and get on with it?
Remember, also, that “lesbian sex” isn’t limited to cisgender couples.
Ohhhhh fuck off. Cisgender shmisgender; it’s not lesbian sex if it involves a man who “identifies as” a woman.
It also includes other people who have vaginas, people with penises, and people with intersex genitalia.
Imagine being poor Clarissa age 15 wanting basic information on lesbian sex and having to wade through all this bullshit first.
Heterosexual couples, for example, may have oral, manual, or penetrative sex. It all depends on the couple and what they like to do.
But you’re supposed to be explaining about lesbian sex!
Similarly, lesbian sex — or sex between women, whether cis or trans — can include whatever kind of sex you’d like to try.
In other words, Clarissa, we’re grooming you to agree to have sex with a man who says he’s a trans woman. You’re welcome!
Jumping ahead a little –
There are lots of myths out there about lesbian sex. Here are a few:
…
It’s easier because you’re both women. Remember that just because you’re both women doesn’t mean you have the same genitals — for example, one person might be a cis woman with a vagina, while the other might be a trans woman with a penis.
Remember, you, a lesbian, might find yourself having “lesbian sex” with a man. You are not allowed to say no.
Credit:
Medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, LMFT, CST — Written by Sian Ferguson on June 4, 2020
Imagine (if you will) two “trans women with penises” meeting in a dyke bar….
I do think that it’s an important point — though irrelevant to explaining female-female sexual activity to Clarissa — that sexual activity between people of the same sex doesn’t make the people homosexuals, and sexual activity between people of opposite sexes doesn’t make them heterosexuals, since these words are about attraction, not about behavior. Of course, it happens all the time that people have sex with people to whom they’re not attracted. I agree that it doesn’t belong here, so this is totally a side point, but it (very slightly) annoys me when people refer to male-male sex as “gay sex”, female-female sex as “lesbian sex”, and female-male sex as “straight sex”. I know, it’s a useful shorthand. Anyway, not important here, so I’m hijacking the thread a bit; feel free to ignore.
Mike B, trans women with penises tend not to be interested in sex with other trans women with penises, rather, only in people with vaginas. To pressure or force them to have sex with other trans women with penises would be oppressive, and it would be punching down. (Punching up is fine, of course, and women without penises never have the right to say no to sex with women with penises, because that would be transphobic.)
I should have said… “Imagine (if you will) two ‘transwomen with penises’ meeting in a dyke bar without realizing they were not “cis” women….Hilarity would ensue that night.
“Oh, you’re just LARPing in order to get easy access to vaginas? You cheat! Deceit! Scoundrel, trying to trick me!”
“No, you’re the deceitful tricker. I’m really a woman! TWAW!!!!!”
“Medically reviewed”, eh? So who was the Political Officer who approved the purity of the message, or is that still being done by group consensus?
No, Virginia, there is no Santa Claus; lesbians don’t have penises. You are being lied to. Penises belong to men, and men are not lesbians.
But…lesbian sex isn’t about genitals! It’s about identity! So why don’t they want to have “lesbian” sex with other women with penises?
I don’t know that “transwomen with penises” tend not to want to have sex with other “transwomen with penises”. Certainly there is a hue and cry about lesbians rejecting them, so it would be rich if it can be shown that transwomen are “transphobic”, but I haven’t seen this documented. Any data on the topic?
I’m curious about “It’s easier because you’re both women.” In what possible way is sex between a man and a woman easier when the man claims to be a woman?
I can’t recall where I read this, and I paraphrase slightly, but:
Two people with penises have sex. It is gay sex, unless one of them identifies as a woman, and then it is straight sex. Of course, if both identify as women, then it is lesbian sex.
Because words don’t mean things anymore, apparently.
Medically reviewed by a sex therapist. Uh huh. Super legit medical expertise. No conflict of interest here either.
At least it doesn’t say “sexologist”, I suppose.
This kind of thing really boils my piss. This is supposed to be advice for people who are worried, nervous, concerned, even scared, and vulnerable. So what do they do? They pack it with preachy ideological groomy bullshit.
A couple of years ago, a friend’s daughter was in the exact position of hypothetical Clarissa. Her parents are entirely supportive but my heart breaks for her when I see this kind of self-indulgent insanity peddled as sincere advice.
I have another friend who realised she was a lesbian in her late 50s. I’m sure she managed to work out the mechanics of same-sex sex without too much difficulty, but had no idea at the time about the social aspects: how does a woman of a certain age go about making up for lost time? She wouldn’t be confused about articles like this, she’d be rightly furious that any scraps of actual advice are so well hidden among the ill-intentioned lies.
Lesbians don’t have penises.
Exactly. Hypothetical Clarissa stands for a whole lot of real ones. This pack of lies is the last thing they need.
Is it sad that I was naïve enough to read the heading that said “it’s not easier because you’re both women” and hoped that they might dispense actually useful information like how to communicate with partners about boundaries, preferences, etc.?
Studebaker:
Perhaps. I thought the same thing.
Hypothetical Clarissa should have her own TV show.
I can’t find it, but I think that Ophelia actually posted about the results of a dating preferences survey that showed that the group that trans people were least likely to want to date was…trans people. Maybe I’m not remembering correctly, and I would like to be corrected if I’m wrong.
More on lesbian sex education involving penises:
https://twitter.com/ripx4nutmeg/status/1362147429588611073