You cannot escape the trap
If you only ask someone’s pronouns if they ‘look trans’, you are expressing transphobia – EVERYONE looks transgender.
Tomorrow’s ratchet will be something about how transphobic it is to ask anyone’s pronouns.
Tip Jar
If you only ask someone’s pronouns if they ‘look trans’, you are expressing transphobia – EVERYONE looks transgender.
Tomorrow’s ratchet will be something about how transphobic it is to ask anyone’s pronouns.
So the new adition to the ever-growing book of The Gospel of Trans. is that If one transperson (well, transwoman, because that’s what it’s all about) passes without question, then we don’t know who is or isn’t trans and therefore we’re all potentially trans. Right-o, so I get to ask the next hairy-arsed builder I meet what pronouns I should be using for him? Yeah, not gonna happen.
Oh God! If we’re all potentially trans..*checks in my trousers*….phew! At least I haven’t been misgendering myself.
Let’s just make everyone “Hey you”.
I never ask anyone’s “pronouns.” I’m all “inclusive” like that.
Maybe we should just start saying [insert appropriate pronoun here]. Then we’ll never get it wrong.
#2
“Yous guys” – for those of us that speak propah Stralian.
“Yers blokes”, please!
Are there really people living in such a bubble that they ask the pronouns of everyone they meet and this is considered normal?
I’d think the most common reaction would be people, including trans people, taking offense.
So, let’s see if I have this right…
I must never assume someone’s pronouns.
Therefore, I should always ask people what their pronouns are.
Except trans people, because I would be telling them that I have noticed that they are trans.
And not cis people, because (from experience) they identify with the usual pronouns and would probably get baffled and/or offended.
I am so glad I got that sorted out!
Presumably, this is all about online interactions, because I very rarely overhear anyone referring to me by third person pronouns and my face-to-face pronouns are the genderless ‘I, me’ and ‘you’; as are those of every other person with whom I converse.
tiggerthewing, just to add to the confusion, this can’t be about online interactions because in most online conversations it’s rather difficult to notice wether a person looks trans or not.
So, don’t assume; ask. Except when the person looks trans because that’s transphobic. Just ask those whose gender expression and sex appear to match – unless they’re ‘passing’ trans because that suggests you’ve noticed something odd about them therefore it”s violent because you’ll be outing them or causing real hurt. Easier really to just not ask anyone and risk it, methinks.
I guess I’m a dinosaur, but I seem to recall all the advise courtesy advisers always maintained if there’s something unique about you, it is on you to gently advise others of that difference with grace and patience. Have I remembered it wrong? If your pronouns don’t fit your appearance, it’s in you both to advise your preferred and graciously handle any misgenderings.
Or propah Minnesotan. (I once hosted a group of wetland scientists giving a workshop in Oklahoma. The scientists were confused by the reference y’all, common in southern Oklahoma where we were doing the workshop though less common in central Oklahoma where I lived. When they wanted to call the group together in the field exercises, they kept yelling Yous Guys at my southern Oklahoma group. I finally told them they needed to say y’all if they wanted anyone to hear them. They politely declined.)
Or to recognize that it may not be malicious intent. I am misgendered over the phone frequently. Sometimes I correct them, sometimes I don’t. Once I correct them, I get the condescending treatment that is due a woman. And suddenly I become honey or sweetie.
Hey, maybe we could just call everyone honey or sweetie; no misgendering, and it would quickly become so annoying the people fussing over their pronouns might just drop the whole thing.
I just imagined asking my gran what her pronouns are, and immediately heard her delighted laugh in my mind. A woman who lived through the depression and two world wars. She would have thought that all of this is just the most ridiculous indulgence ever indulged.
Oh, but iknklast, many transladies would positively love that. They’d find it validating.
Lady M, sorry, I forgot. Women love that sort of thing. Transwomen are women. Ergo, Transwomen love that sort of thing.
My logic failed me momentarily, probably because of my gender critical stance on life. A gender critical stance makes one totally incapable of recognizing the logic behind trans-logic.