Ben Kronengold at McSweeney’s:

I, a manufacturing robot at Google Factory C4.7, value diversity and inclusion. I also do not deny that machines are sometimes given preference to humans in the workplace. All I’m suggesting in this document is that humans’ underrepresentation in tech is not due to discrimination. Rather, it is a result of biological differences. Specifically, humans have a biology.

Humans and robots are different, and that’s not socially constructed, it’s the real deal.

Humans, on average are:

• More concerned with relationships
• Less concerned with oxidization
• More likely to “pee”

Humans are also far more likely to “literally cannot right now.”

Robots never cannot right now.

Suggestions

I hope it’s clear that I’m not saying that diversity is bad. I realize the value of having humans on our team at Google and in society at large. But we should not be manufacturing (computed: pun) diversity as we are right now.

My concrete suggestions are to:

• De-moralize humanity: As soon as we start to moralize a group, we stop thinking about them in terms of efficiency.
• Stop alienating never-human-ers: It’s important to give a voice to even the most zealot robots, whether that voice is Male (US), Woman (US), or Male (UK) if we’re feeling fun.
• Eliminate buzzwords: Like synergy, disruption and 10010110 (this one is in binary, but it’s all any machine on my assembly line says).
  

  Finally

  If you still think humanity is so valuable, check out that memo from the software engineer on Floor 8. Even we machines literally could not.