Trump has a great new plan: let’s just get rid of disaster relief altogether! Real Ummairikkns don’t need any help with anything, so just let them get on with it while we eat peanuts and watch.

President Donald Trump, on a tour of two states reeling in recent months from hurricanes and wildfires, pledged on Friday to upend how the country has responded for decades to natural disasters, saying that he wants to eliminate FEMA and threatening to withhold federal assistance to California unless it passes a new voter ID law.

Also: new rule: if you get sick, you can’t have medical attention. Incentive to make you stay healthy, see? Also saves $$, which will go into Trump’s pocket because the saving was his idea.

“I’d like to see the states take care of disasters,” he said. “Let the state take care of tornadoes and hurricanes and all the other things that happen. I think you’re going to find it a lot less expense. You’ll do it for less than half and you’re going to get a lot quicker response.”

How will you do it for less than half? By waiting until at least half the victims are dead. That’s how they did it with Katrina; worked like a charm.

At a time when disasters are becoming more frequent and less predictable, Trump’s rhetoric thrust a new element of volatility into federal responses during times of disaster. And disregarding attempts to avoid politicizing disaster responses, he said that Michael Whatley, the chairman of the Republican National Committee, would help lead recovery efforts in his native North Carolina.

Well duh. You expect trumpians to put politics aside just because people are dying? You sweet summer child.

After finishing his trip to Western North Carolina, in an area of the state that largely supports him, Trump boarded Air Force One to California to tour wildfire damage in the Los Angeles area. In his remarks starting the day, however, he threatened to withhold federal assistance to California if the state doesn’t change its voting laws.

“In California I have a condition. In California we want them to have voter ID so the people have a voice … And we also want them to release the water.”

Trump has often complained about the blue state’s water policies, but water experts have said his suggestion that California could turn on a valve to let water flow from the north is incorrect.

Wait what? It is? You mean there’s no giant spigot the size of a 747? Somebody needs to get on that.