Man who can’t read claims favorite book

Piety interlude:

“All Americans need a Bible in their home, and I have many. It’s my favorite book,” Trump declared in March, in a video posted on Truth Social. “I’m proud to endorse and encourage you to get this Bible. We must make America pray again.”

In the video, Trump, who has a long history of endorsing and selling things, is clutching the God Bless the USA Bible – a “patriotic” take on the holy text that Trump is now hawking for $59.99.

“I want to have a lot of people have it,” Trump continued. “You have to have it for your heart and for your soul.”

Well of course he wants to “have a lot of people have it” – because he’s selling it for 60 bucks. You can get them free, of course, but what good is that to Donald Trump?

Anyway the obliging writer, Adam Gabbatt, duly bought the book.

Happily the Bible, which cost $83.37 after tax and shipping, eventually arrived. I eagerly tore open the packaging, held the bag upside down, and out plopped what is essentially a Christian nationalist’s fantasy: a Bible that is all American flags and bald eagles, with founding documents and lyrics to a patriotic anthem slotted in alongside the holy text.

We’re in a hurry, ok? We have to mash all these things together to save time. Oh say can you see our father who art in heaven etc etc – it gets the job done.

The front of the Bible has an embossed USA flag. In the back are glossy pages bearing some of America’s most sacred documents: the Declaration of Independence; the Pledge of Allegiance; and the lyrics to Lee Greenwood’s God Bless the USA, a song which is played on repeat at Trump’s political rallies.

These pages are illustrated with the American flag and some of the country’s best-regarded things: the bald eagle, yes, but also the Statue of Liberty, what appears to be a musket, and the Capitol building, which somewhat ironically was attacked by supporters of Trump three years ago.

Well that’s why! “Look at the size of the dome on that thing! But it didn’t scare me!!”

8 Responses to “Man who can’t read claims favorite book”

Leave a Comment

Subscribe without commenting