Don’t tell us about yourself
Thought for the day: self-obsession is not progressive.
Someone should tell Professor Sue Fletcher-Watson. Urgently. By the way her pronouns are she/her, she says so herself.
But she says so much more than that, and all of it is About Her.
I’m a bisexual scientist. It’s only fairly recently that I’ve said that out loud, and I thought I’d say a bit about why that is and why I’m writing this blog.
So first, when I was starting out, there just weren’t opportunities like this. Pride yes, but Pride IN STEM? Definitely not. I think I completely disregarded the idea that any aspect of my personal identity might be relevant to my science or my academic career.
You were right! You were right then, you’re wrong now. Go back to the way you thought then.
But there’s another factor too. I’m a cis woman, married to a cis man. I got engaged a month before I submitted my masters dissertation – I know, so young, but I did my undergraduate at St Andrews, notorious for fostering early weddings, so by those standards we were lagging behind. I was married by the middle of my PhD and was pregnant during my first postdoc. Hitting all these heteronormative milestones.
So during that time, my bi identity was completely erased. I am sure I would have gone along with assumption I was straight especially in strongly heterosexual environments like mum and baby groups. I remember that it was really only referenced when I was with people who had known me in my teens and early twenties. And in fact, I even recall the odd old friend saying things like ”remember when you were bi?” as if I had grown out of my sexual orientation.
Why is she telling the world all this? Why does she expect anyone to care?
It is easy for someone like me to glide through life looking straight – but it doesn’t feel like gliding. I’ve felt guilty for having it easy and sad for the disconnect between my identity and how I’m perceived. And I guess that’s exactly why its important to write this, even if I worry I haven’t earned a place on this blog. Because ultimately, bi and pansexual folk belong in STEM, as they do anywhere else. It’s important that we show our faces once in a while.
No, it isn’t. It really isn’t.
I realized this morning that i am a trans woman since I identify as a woman. I will make being bi part of my identity now. It is important that other 76 year olds know that they can be special too. I haven’t decided on my pronouns yet, but I will make an announcement soon.
She was feeling left behind and left out, and being “cis” and “heteronormative” is only slightly less disgusting than being a White Colonialist. (It like she’s confessing to murder, admitting that she is seen as cis-het.) What to do? Hair dye alone will not do. There must be something else she can latch onto to let her be Special and Different (or at least moreso than most). Rediscover her “bi” roots! GIMME A “B”! Being Trans Adjacent almost as good as being Trans!
Hey I’ve got an idea, I can be special by claiming to be non-tertiary.
I’m drawing up the paperwork even as we speak.
Damn, I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to do for a midlife crisis. I think I’ve run out of time. :P
I think I am non binary, just like most people. Most people have only one sex, so I would say they are monists in that regard and not binary.
I always hope I have the wit and wherewithal to reply to someone who introduces themself as “I’m non-binary…” with something like “What an odd thing to point out, since the only binary people I know of are the fictional Binars from ‘Star Trek: TNG'”
Hahahaha I like that.
Mike Kuebler, the only non-non-binary characters I know of are John Wayne and Angelyne.
What annoys me most about this is that it is so self-centered that her husband does not enter the picture at all (unless she is divorced, her blog doesn’t say).
“Honey, our marriage entraps me in heteronormativity and I’m going to re-discover my bi roots” sounds like a really nice thing to say in a partnership.
And a minute after reading this I saw this on CNN
https://edition.cnn.com/2024/05/04/opinions/bisexual-erasure-pride-schriefer/index.html
Basically, “OMG if I say I’m bi people make some assumptions about me having lots of partners and if I don`t have them I’m assumed to be straight or gay.” Well, perhaps people just don’t really care who you sleep with because it is really not that interesting?
Having known a woman who destroyed her marriage and family by deciding to indulge her bisexuality in early middle-age, please excuse me for not being at all impressed. The only way in which being bisexual is relevant to a married person, regardless of the sex of the spouse, is that they presumably have twice the temptation to avoid. That can’t be particularly easy, but it doesn’t excuse selfish entitlement at the expense of the spouse and children.