An unexpectedly hilarious read, starting from Helen Joyce’s note-taking.

All righty let’s read that job ad, because it is both horrifying and hilarious. You want to read the archived version, because they’ve already edited out the “you can’t work here if you’re a terf” bit from the original.

Maisie Hill, seeking a virtual assistant, remote, contract.

We are looking for an organised, responsive, and helpful person to join our business as a Virtual Assistant. This role is all about supporting the needs of the business, so that we can create the results we want and help our clients to create the results that they want.

As the Virtual Assistant, you will take complete ownership of customer facing systems. You’re clear, efficient, and detail-oriented. You’ll have the honour and privilege of being the first point of contact for our potential clients as well as existing ones. This position gives you the opportunity to deploy your organisational and customer success skills.

This is a contractor role, working approximately 30 hours per month at £30GBP per hour.

30 hours a month??? About 7 hours a week? That doesn’t sound like much time to deal with all the “customer facing systems.” Especially not when you see the list.

Responsibilities

Administration

• Managing the public-facing inbox, replying to enquiries and fan mail.
• Responsive and helpful customer service via email, including all back end operations support, ie, billing issues, refunds, address updates, and tech issues etc.
• Responding promptly to PR enquiries.
• Managing Maisie’s calendar, ensuring it’s kept spacious.
• Researching and organising in Maisie’s personal life.
• Clear open communication with Maisie (CVO, Chief Visionary Officer), Bek (DOO, Director of Operations) and the team.
• Regularly test customer journeys to find leaks and plug them, such as testing links on social media and the waitlist sign up form.
• Liaise with contractors (podcast team and web team)

Uhhhh that’s not a part-time job.

And that’s not even all! There’s another whole long list. Also, organising “in Maisie’s personal life”? No thank you, especially not when paid for only 30 hours a month.

Then there are the requirements, which are separate from the responsibilities.

Requirements

The Virtual Assistant position might be right for you if:

• You have extensive VA experience (coaching industry a plus).
• You want to work in a company that makes a difference, and want to be part of something bigger than yourself.
• You’re super organised—nothing slips through the cracks.
• You love to tick things off a list.
• You’re responsive and can move quickly to ensure things get done effectively and efficiently (without rushing or putting pressure on yourself).
• You can anticipate what is needed and can think way ahead for everything.
• You’re self-sufficient and don’t need lots of feedback.
• You can execute at a high level without being micromanaged.
• You can both follow and create processes and procedures.
• You’re comfortable figuring technology out, and can learn through instructional videos as well as trial and error.
• You’re able to zoom in on the details and zoom out to see the big picture.
• You love the idea of receiving voice notes from Bek and Maisie with ideas, tasks they’ve thought of, and any questions they have.
• You have some flexibility with your schedule and are able to work occasional weekends for events, and are up for being all hands on deck during launches and events when prompt customer service is essential.
• You’re able to evaluate your own work and see the value in doing so.
• You can manage your own mind, have low drama, and take responsibility for how you show up to work.
• You pay attention to details – “Is this the correct date? Is that time-zone right? Does this link work? Is their name spelled correctly?”
• Proficiency or ability to master using; Gmail, Google Drive, Active Campaign, ClickUp, Slack, Zoom, Searchie, Vimeo, and our membership platform. We use various pieces of software in our business, you’re not expected to know them in advance but you will need to use them with confidence after we have trained you in their use.
• You’re resourceful and proactive with problem solving. We pride ourselves on being able to come up with solutions to problems… all whilst minimising them happening in the first place.
• You’re happy to take care of admin in Maisie’s personal life as well as within the business.
• You’ll naturally hold absolute respect for Maisie’s intellectual property and confidentiality.
• And (would be great but not required) you’re already familiar with Maisie Hill Ltd. and the services we offer. You’re a fan! You’ve read Period Power, you listen to Maisie’s podcast, you’re in-the-know about what we do, and you already love our work.

All that in 30 hours a month!

And by the way what do they do?

We are a life coaching business that uses a body-meets-brain approach which includes mindset coaching and awareness of stress responses and hormones. Our services include The Flow Collective (monthly online membership) and a small amount of private coaching. The membership will be growing this year so we are looking for someone who is able to grow with the company.

They’re modest, too.

• We are resourceful. We find quick and clever ways to make improvements and overcome difficulties. We are capable of finding solutions because we are powerful problem solvers.
• We value, respect and support all types of diversity across all identities including, but not limited to, ethnicity, race, gender, LGBTQIA, age, religion, neurodiversity, and abilities. We work with a DEI (diversity, equity and inclusion) expert to continually assess and improve DEI within the membership and within the business.
• We help each other thrive. We show up as real, vulnerable, transparent human beings who speak from the heart, value others’ contributions, and invest in each other’s growth.
• We do epic shit without burning ourselves out. We believe that rest is radical and that we get more done by slowing down. We expect you to work when you are at work, and be off when you are off.
• We like to have a laugh. We don’t complain and we take the time to celebrate the big and small.

They do epic shit without burning themselves out and without paying their admin assistant a full-time wage. (Mind you, the ad doesn’t say what the pay is, but since it’s a 30 hour a month job we can be pretty confident it’s nowhere near a living wage.) (Correction: it does say: £30 an hour so £900 a month.)