Swim in the moat
Boris Johnson wants to put in a swimming pool at his Oxfordshire house, but there’s a problem. The Great Crested Newt is in his way.
The UK’s largest newt, which takes its name from the striking jagged crest that males display in the spring breeding season, is a protected species under British law.
As such, an unlimited fine and up to six months in prison could await anyone found guilty of disturbing the newt’s resting places and breeding sites, or taking their eggs.
Johnson launched an application with South Oxfordshire district council in June for the construction of an outdoor pool, measuring 11 metres by 4 metres (36ft x 13ft).
But Edward Church, a local government ecologist who reviewed the application, did not recommend granting permission for the pool to be built because there are great crested newts living in the grounds.
…
Johnson took aim at the great crested newt in a speech in June 2020, when he unveiled plans nicknamed “project speed” that he argued would “scythe through red tape and get things done”.
The then prime minister said: “Why are we so slow at building homes by comparison with other European countries?
“In 2018, we built 2.25 homes per 1,000 people. Germany managed 3.6, the Netherlands 3.8 and France 6.8. I tell you why – because time is money, and the newt-counting delays in our system are a massive drag on the productivity and the prosperity of this country.”
The newt takes revenge. Well done.
Glad to see the environment winning one. Of course, global warming will probably kill off the newts eventually, but that might be too late for BoJo to build his swimming pool.
What a great book title!
“The Newts’ Revenge: A biography of Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson”
Hahahahahahahaha
“She turned me into a BORIS!”
“A Boris?”
“I got better.”
“Revenge of Nature”, indeed.
Interestingly, Boris has also been prohibited from getting a proper haircut because his head is a nesting ground for newts.
Great Crested Newt vs Great Crested Twit.
Heh.
Yeah, that’s not the reason. The reason is the fragmentation of the construction industry into contractors and subcontractors ad infinitum, with a nearly infinite number of interfaces that need to be managed and pockets that need to be lined. This is actually the way public works have historically been built in Britain – the first mainline railways used this system – but it is incredibly inefficient. It does spread the wealth around though…though the ‘spreading’ seems to go largely to Boris’s friends and friends of friends, so I’m sure he doesn’t really object.