The poor flustered monarchists are trying to put a cuddly spin on this whole “swear allegiance” idea. Can’t be done, chaps. It is what it is.

The King would find the idea of people paying homage to him during his Coronation “abhorrent”, the broadcaster Jonathan Dimbleby believes.

For the first time, the public are being given an active role in the ceremony as they are invited to swear allegiance to the King.

But Dimbleby, a close friend of the King, told BBC R4’s Today programme he has “never wanted to be revered”.

The Archbishop of Canterbury has previously said the oath is voluntary.

Yes but Arch, such an oath is itself…well it’s an oath. That’s the point of swearing it, and calling it an oath. You can’t do both – you can’t suggest swearing an oath and claim it’s all terribly egalitarian and free and choicey. One or the other, Arch, one or the other.

Also it’s faintly amusing that Choss disavows homage (if it’s true that he does) but doesn’t disavow all the lovely lovely cash. And that he rebuffed all suggestions of a slimmed-down coronation, demanding the full ride at other people’s expense.

A spokesperson for Lambeth Palace said it hoped people would say the homage out loud and there would be a “sense of a great cry around the nation and around the world of support for the King”.

But why should we support the king? He’s got all that money, and armies of people doing things for him, famously including putting the fucking toothpaste on his fucking toothbrush. The king could support everyone else for a change.

They’re all embarrassed now, and trying to pretend someone else said it.

It is unclear who came up with the idea, but it is “pretty inconceivable” that Buckingham Palace was not aware of the homage element or the entire order of service before it was announced, the BBC’s Religion Editor Aleem Maqbool told the Today programme.

Earlier this week, the archbishop said it was fine if people did not want to join in the voluntary oath.

Asked about some newspaper reports suggesting he had gone “rogue”, he insisted the service had been a “huge, collaborative [with Buckingham Palace and the Cabinet Office] and very lovely process”.

“There’s no individual who can claim the credit for this service,” he added.

Translation: “I never said it, gov!”

There is one lighter moment though.

The royal couple have recorded an announcement reminding train passengers to “mind the gap” – which will be played at every railway station across the UK and all London Underground stations between Friday and Monday.

Ok. They can have that one. I do love “mind the gap.”