A new low
The first thing I wonder is why on earth the CBC published this:
I shouldn’t have to ‘look’ non-binary for my identity to be respected
I’m serious about the wondering. The piece is bad – it’s stupid, trivial, self-absorbed, entitled, badly written, extremely badly reasoned, childish, fatuous, did I mention self-obsessed? There’s literally nothing of value in it. Why would a grownup national broadcaster publish such a thing?
I never know which is worse about the trans craze, the narcissism or the stupidity. I guess I don’t have to make a choice, but it kind of nags at me sometimes.
So anyway, I’ll show you what I mean.
Last year, I attended a conference where everyone wore name tags. I had proudly and visibly written “they/them” below my name.
Sigh. First sentence and already…Why proudly? What’s to be proud of?
When I helped a special guest presenter set up, they asked to see my tag. But while remembering my name, the presenter repeatedly referred to me as “she.”
Because that’s how English works. Female people are referred to as “she.”
My head started spinning and I had an overwhelming urge to run to the washroom and throw up. I wanted to interrupt them and tell them to stop misgendering me. But I had no idea what their views on non-binary people were and I worried about seeming rude.
Jesus christ grow up a little. And news flash: you would have not only seemed rude but been rude if you’d told someone “to stop misgendering” you. You don’t tell people to “stop ___” unless the ___ is serious. You tell people to stop pushing you or staring at you or shouting at you. You don’t tell them to stop using perfectly ordinary neutral non-insulting words to refer to you.
So I sat through the presenter’s instructions as my stomach turned. Once the workshop was underway, I ran to the washroom where I reassured myself that my feelings were valid, even if the presenter didn’t misgender me on purpose.
Well thank god you ran to the washroom to do that instead of doing it in public. What a giant baby. Get a grip on yourself.
At that point, I had been thinking about my pronouns daily for over two years. And I still am.
Well that explains a lot. Try thinking about things that aren’t about you. It does wonders, I promise.
But most people I meet still assume I am a woman and use she/her pronouns — oftentimes even after I’ve corrected them.
Because that’s what you are. Move on. Develop interests external to yourself. It’s urgent. Bonus: it’s more interesting than you are. You might even learn to like it.
Mentioning my pronouns again can be scary. If they don’t respect my pronouns, does that mean they think being non-binary isn’t valid? Will they not want to be friends with me anymore? Will they treat me differently at work? These feelings double when the person is in a position of power.
…
These types of interactions with co-workers, professors and fellow students run through my head at night before I fall asleep. What can I do to get people to understand?
Wrong question. You’re the one who needs to understand. Your luxury pronouns don’t matter.
I hope that as we continue to talk about how to better support the queer community, people stop assuming anyone’s pronouns and gender, no matter how they perceive them.
I hope people like you grow up.
When I’m introduced to someone new, I ask about their pronouns and will tell them mine if it feels safe to do so. That is my way of helping create more understanding and helping others by challenging their assumptions.
Why why why did the CBC publish this?
“my feelings were valid”
What would be an example of an invalid feeling? It’s such an odd phrase; it reminds me of a Warren Zevon lyric, “you’ve got an invalid haircut.” But Zevon was intentionally weird.
Also, the subhed on the article is:
But those things DO define other people, presumably. The ones who aren’t special like you.
So much of this seems like a version of the Fundamental Attribution Error. When you wear a dress, it’s because that’s who you are; when I wear one, it’s because I just happen to want to wear a dress that day.
This just all sounds so exhausting. And I don’t mean that in a sympathetic, you-poor-thing-having-to-deal-with-a-world-that-doesn’t-understand sense, I mean that it just sounds exhausting constantly thinking about your pronouns and your identity and such. The author claims that “coming out” as non-binary was a relief, but damn, it doesn’t sound like it.
Ach good point about the FAE. Yes it does.
This name tag?
Julia
(they/them)
What if the guest presenter was just referring to Julia alone, and not her indistinct entourage? If the presenter didn’t see or hear *them* isn’t it a valid assumption that *they* weren’t actually there? Maybe *they* were off getting snacks, or trying to figure out which of *them* should use which lavatory? That’s what happens when you drag your constructed reveries out into public; there are bound to be some inconsistencies. I think the kid is confusing being misunderstood with misunderstanding. Apparently that calls for a tantrum.
“I shouldn’t have to ‘look’ non-binary” — For people to judge books by their covers you mean? Isn’t superficiality all about presentation, or behaving in a “performative” way? Try harder then, don’t make other people do all the work. Maybe acting lessons. Fake it till you make it. :P
Five stars. Indistinct entourage should become a thing.
There are some people in my extended social circle who are intensely self-absorbed. Everything they do; everything they say: it’s all me me me me me.
Being around them is tedious, and exhausting. Once, when I was around one of these people, and wondering how soon I could be somewhere they weren’t, it occurred to me that I at least can somewhere they aren’t. They can’t.
It must be exhausting to be them all the time.
I can’t stand that. Really can’t. The world is so huge, there is so much more than the self – look outward ffs.
Even the mini bio is a brutalization of the English language.
“Julia Wright is a 2022 Loran Scholar living in Montreal. They are pursuing a joint undergraduate degree in computer science and biology at McGill University. In their spare time, Julia enjoys reading, spending time outdoors, and foraging for fungi.”
Who are these people and which ones are doing what? If I had written anything that badly back in grade school they would have shipped me off to a remedial facility on a short bus. Foraging for fungi indeed.
Very funny thread on this on Ovarit:
https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/435107/cbc-first-person-woman-upset-that-people-dont-realize-shes-nb
Highlights – her ‘misgendering’ the presenter by referring to her or him as ‘they’; ‘which washroom??’
Also my and others’ point that it’s cruel of organisations like the CBC to disseminate things like this; what is this poor woman going to do in a few years when she’s actually grown up but everyone knows she thought, wrote and published this? It’s not going to be a selling point to any potential employers, or romantic interests.
I will happily say that non-binary identities are not valid.
The fact that Julia (she/her) (because she is) says that wearing the occasional dress shouldn’t define her is essentially saying that women are women because they wear female clothing.
Trans men and trans women claim that they are male or female on the inside. This is so even though none of them have coherent definitions of male or female, except when they lapse into embarrassing stereotypes. Non-binary people claim to be neither male nor female but are likewise incapable of defining these terms except with stereotypes.
This mindless thinking is so destructive.
With regard to gender, I’m non-buynary: I don’t buy any of it.