Of what a silly old bint the complainant was
Speaking of “aunties” who talk a lot of piffle that wise compassionate alert progressive young people know better than…
Tip Jar
Speaking of “aunties” who talk a lot of piffle that wise compassionate alert progressive young people know better than…
Amongst the Australian Aborigines, Auntie and Uncle is less a personal relationship than it is about respect for wisdom and knowledge. An old mate of mine, Uncle Jack Charles is well respected in white and black circles. Footballer and teacher, Uncle Robbie, is far younger than Uncle Jack, but also widely respected, especially amonst primary school kids.
But then, being Australians, we also had to have our very own cross dressing, motor bike riding, Aunti Jack.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1c8XootJfSA
Uncle Remus. Uncle Tom. Aunt Jemima.
Whilst there has been a great levelling of personal hierarchies in much of British society, at the same time that class hierarchy has been busy re-asserting itself, when I was a child it was still the custom in England for children to use Aunty and Uncle as respectful titles for adult friends of the family, as well as for their parents’ siblings (and their spouses). The honourific would not necessarily be used by those children as they aged into adulthood, depending largely on the age difference. Non-familiar adults were always to be addressed as Mr. or Mrs. or Miss.
At some time, probably starting during the late seventies or early eighties, people started dropping the requirement for children to use the honourific and children started addressing adults by their first name, even actual uncles and aunts. I didn’t even know the first names of most of my teachers; my grandchildren address theirs by their first names. Children’s behaviour was much more controlled in some ways back then, balanced against a great deal more freedom to roam the neighbourhood with one another and just be themselves. I suppose the adults expected us to let off steam in the streets, recreation grounds, fields and woods, and return to being civilised when we came back within range of them!
Even back in the sixties, I don’t recall any of the adult men in my life ever treating women as if they were just big children. My parents didn’t have a wide circle of friends, and weren’t the kind to go out to the pub or anything like that, so my exposure to adults was limited to relatives, teachers (about 10-20% of whom were male), neighbours, and the parents of my friends. When my parents argued, it was obvious that they did so as equals (and they always hugged afterwards, so we kids knew that disagreeing with someone didn’t mean you stopped liking them). My father pulled his weight around the house, too, and my parents expected my brother to do his fair share of housework along with us girls.
I went to an all-girls grammar school, so I spent most of my teens being taught that I could do anything I set my mind to and worked hard for, so my first exposure to rampant male sexism was when I started work. Ugh. It was a shock to realise that the wider world didn’t regard women as equally competent and worthy of respect (or the same pay for the same work) as men. It’s disgusting that the worst of that world is back with us, four-plus decades on.
“it was still the custom in England for children to use Aunty and Uncle as respectful titles for adult friends of the family” – ahhhhhhhh I hadn’t thought of it until now but – my mother’s best friend was English, and known to me as Mrs. D., but another girl about my age (also daughter of a close friend) called her Aunty Peg. With an English accent. I remember being interested in the cultural/national difference even as a child. I would think about calling Mrs. D. “Peg” and it felt all wrong. On the other hand I called both sets of aunt & uncles (one from each parent) by their first names, always, as their kids all called my mother Barb. Customs are weird.
I’m now wondering if it was the massive increase in children’s television programmes from across the pond during the seventies which led to the change. Adults in Sesame street were uniformly addressed by their first names, as I recall (my baby sister loved to watch), so it might have felt strange to that generation of children not to address adults by their first names.
A Southern custom that I still find odd, although I think it’s kind of nice, is to refer to people as “Miss Sue” or “Mr George”, getting that respectful title in while still using the first name. It’s helpful, too; if the adults are calling someone “George”, the child can still use “George” with “Mr” in front of it, the child doesn’t have to remember George’s last name that no one else is saying. I don’t stand on ceremony, I’m fine with being referred to by first name, but I can see the appeal.
I was brought up very much in American culture, but was taught that aunt/uncle thing for anyone who was a friend of my parents that we interacted with regularly. Everyone else was Mr. or Mrs…except one couple, my dad’s cousin and her husband, who for some reason were always called by their first names, even though they were older than my parents. Customs can be really strange.
I still call both my mentors (in my master’s and my doctorate) Dr. I can’t bring myself to call them by their first name. I started out having my students call me by my first name, but I put a stop to that after discovering that they were calling the male teachers Mr. X, even when the instructors said to call them by their first name. A woman in one of my classes was telling me about one of her other instructors (male) that said to call him by his first name, but she was “oh, I just can’t bring myself to!” Meanwhile, I had told students not to call me by my first name, and she called me by my first name every time.
I do think the move to first names is just another part of the infantilizing of culture. I think there are times and places for first names, but I receive papers from students with their first name only. One time I had three Chelseas and two Davids in my class, and none of them would put their last name on papers. I was required to put my last name on papers starting in first grade (I didn’t go to kindergarten, so don’t know about that), but they apparently went all the way through high school not having to do that.