Actually how it’s written
Graham Linehan is not bowled over by Paris Lees’s memoir.
I think we’re going to have to do an emergency Mess We’re In on Paris Lees’ memoirs.
This is the start of it. I’m not making this up. This is real. This isn’t a parody. This is actually how it’s written.
Oh gawd, I hate dialect writing. Anyway it’s stupid because it assumes that non-dialect writing represents the way non-dialect people speak, but there are no non-dialect people, so the assumption is wrong and silly and bad.
And if you want any more proof that this is a revolution of mediocre men, have a look at this pathetic review in the Guardian by Kadish Morris. It’s a masterpiece in Trying Not To Give A Bad Review And Being Very Vague About Why It’s Good So You Don’t Humiliate Yourself More That You Have To. It reads like a review I would write if the author had kidnapped my dog.
Anita Rani did better than that on Woman’s Hour – she came across as thrilled and exhilarated enough for a World Cup win.
This is the strongest criticism she can manage. “It does, however, ramble in places, while the racist slurs directed at Black and Asian people are glossed over in a way that makes you question why they were even mentioned.” Talk about trans privilege! Can you imagine Martin Amis getting away that lightly!?
Let alone Dawn French.
H/t latsot
It’s not really a dialect though, it’s just word substitution. It’s still bog-standard BBC English. Russell Hoban’s novel “Riddley Walker” is what I’d recommend for anyone wanting to find out what writing in a true dialect is like. It’s not an easy read!
I agree with J.A. I sometimes enjoy works written in dialect. This is a terrible, inconsistent attempt. It keeps going back and forth between the Queen’s English and attempted phonetic representation of a dialect. I’d rather it tried either harder or less hard. Perhaps there is an analogue of the uncanny valley for dialect writing; if so, this work is at the bottom of said valley. Why “sez” for “says?” Why “worra” for “were a?” Aynt no reezun fadat.
Cor blimey, guv’nuh! Wotcher? A reg’lar Dick Van Dyke, you! Knamean?
See, clamboy, you’re doing a better job already. You are using words that are not used in all dialects of English, not just arbitrarily writing some words in a sentence oddly and some not.
Here’s an example:
Thank you, Papito, I feel fluent already. But I am concerned with “even though he’s only just turned sixteen”. Seems a bit posh to me; to my untrained self, ought that not to be “‘n ‘e ain’t nowt but six-een, right?”