Times of discomfort and uncernty
Ok I’m going to have to inflict on you a transcript of that slice of Princess Daughter’s pretend commencement speech she bestowed on us this morning. If you can’t bear to listen to her yourself for even a second, you should bear in mind that she deploys a weird zombie-like whispery voice and that she accompanies it with much head and face and mouth work.
I am confident [flashing of shiny white teeth] that even if your path is different from the one you imagined, ultimately [seductive turn of the head], it can be better than we [sic] could ever have planned. In my own life I’ve found that my greatest personal growth has arisen from times of discomfort and uncernty [sic] that [head toss] one can only really appreciate in hindsight. [slight pause; new thought] Joseph Campbell, a philosopher, who [twinkly smile] also helped inspire the creation of Star Wars [big flash of shiny white teeth to underline how hip she is] once said that [very serious look] the achievement of the hero is one that he is ready for. [pause, new toss of the head] It’s really a manifestation of his character. The landscape and conditions of the environment match the readiness [tiny shake of the head] of the hero. The adventure that he’s ready for is the one that he gets.
[pause long enough to suggest new paragraph] Throughout our history brave men and women have faced daunting challenges, and they have embraced the adventure. America’s fate is never dictated by fear. Our future is ridden [sic] by the love and the courage of our citizens. [very serious look] No person will be unchanged from [sic] living through this present hardship, but I’m confident that the bonds between us will be stronger; our admiration for each other will be deeper; our gratitude for the gift of life will be ever new; and our resolve to build an even greater future, will be greater than ever before.
Ok so…have you ever read anything more vacuous? It’s got that “Oh I haven’t done my homework I haven’t done the reading I’m supposed to do a composition about the reading oh dear I’ll just say a lot of generalities and hope that will get me a C” vibe. She has nothing to say and no brain to think of something with so she just talks meaningless flannel.
Remember when this happened?
And this?
CRINGE
Her delivery was a weird mix of “I’m reading this for the first time” and overexaggerated emoting for upcoming sections, which would indicate she knew what was next.
Maybe the “transcript” above isn’t far off the mark and the teleprompter text actually had cues for what she was to emote? That would explain the weird vibe.
Or maybe she’s just terrible at giving speeches.
To be totally honest, and fair, the majority of commencement speakers I’ve heard have been truly vacuous, but for a lot of them, that isn’t their usual modus operandi, they are just trying to avoid saying “Holy shit, do you f***ers have any clue what you’re about to face?”. She has no ability to understand that, because she has never had to face anything really difficult or challenging, having been handed her education, her career, and her future on a silver platter, so she has to try to think of something to say. She wants to sound deep, but she is no more capable of deep than any other Trump (i reserve judgment about Barron).
Skeletor:
Be positive. She’s very good. Very good at giving terrible speeches. Angela Merkel’s face in the upper photo says ‘Now I’ve heard everything’.
.
Stand by for the arrival of a racehorse called ‘Our Future’; coming to a racetrack near you.
The look from Merkel is the look after one has conducted a long and careful evaluation of a person, what they’re saying, and the context; and has concluded that they can’t believe this shit and that they have to stay there politely for the duration for the sake of international relations.
I think that Ivanka might be being groomed for the job of first female POTUS, by being dragged around by her father to various meetings of international heads of government (not including travesties and outrages like the Paris climate summit: fake news, fake science, fake everything…).
I have a sheep grazier friend who trains a young sheep dog by connecting its collar via a short lead to the collar of an older and experienced working dog. The apprentice rapidly learns all the right responses and reactions to its master’s calls and whistles (tweets?) if only to avoid having its head jerked about.
Anyone is inclined to despair for America in the epoch of Trump should try to imagine what it will be like if Trump’s clear ambition for his daughter is ever brought to reality. God save us all.
What is a “commencement” speach?
In the last picture, is Angela Merkel saying “excellent”?
Once again, You can’t be pro of any of those things and pro Ivanka’s father at the same time.
If you want to fall down a rabbit hole of even scarier thoughts, maybe Jarvanka are the brains behind the throne, and it’s their plan to cement America’s Dynasty, not his.
Can someone help me improve my head of state spotting score–who’s standing next to Ivanka, and who’s standing between May and Abe?
That Grauniad picture was the one which started the Unwanted Ivanka memes which were so funny.
https://dailycandidnews.com/whats-wrong-with-this-picture-see-the-fun-memes/
I think that the leaders are, L to R: the UK’s Theresa May; Australia’s Malcolm Turnbull; Japan’s Shinzō Abe; World Bank Group President Jim Yong Kim; the USA’s Trumps; Germany’s Angela Merkel (Germany was the host that year) and Canada’s Justin Trudeau.
Chigau, #6. It’s a supposedly motivational speech to the fresh intake of students at a school or college as they commence their education in new surroundings.
At my school “commencement” was what all the lower grades did because it was only the seniors who were graduating, i.e. completing that phase of their education. Weird word for an end of grade-year (third grade, ninth grade, whatever) ceremony, but that’s what it was. There was never any literal commencement ceremony. Ivanka’s “speech” is an end of year speech, not a beginning one. In short it doesn’t literally mean commencement (beginning) at all. I have no idea why we (in the US) use that word for it. End of this phase marks the beginning of the next, I guess? I dunno, it’s odd.
I also don’t know why Princess I’s talk was called a commencement speech not a graduation speech. But it was, so I called it that to conform with the mysterious rules.
Thanks.
In my school, commencement speeches were graduation speeches. The idea was that you were commencing on your life outside of school.
I guess in mine the idea was that you were commencing the next grade, while graduating was reserved for leaving the school altogether.
“Commencement” in my experience always referred to graduation (and usually college), as noted in #16. I always found it odd to refer to the end of something as a “commencement”, but eventually figured it must be something like what iknklast said. A brief check of a few colleges find all of their graduations referred to as Commencement Exercises or Ceremonies.