An erotic necessity
Meanwhile from the other side of the Control Women faction, the Federalist explains us the joy of submission (for women that is; obviously not for men).
I’d like to say it’s just those darned pagan liberals who hate the biblical teaching that wives are to submit to their husbands. But the fact is, feminism has finished its long march through the institutions, and most conservatives have been indoctrinated to hate this teaching as well.
Oh cheer up, bro – feminism is now being dismantled from within and handed over to men who say they are women. You’ve won.
Most of what he says is theological and thus not very relevant to sexism in general. He lets slip an interesting claim though.
The specter of domestic abuse is frequently raised in response to these verses, which, indeed, is a real issue with real victims. Nevertheless, complaining that biblical submission primes women for abuse makes about as much sense as complaining that “honor thy father and thy mother” primes children for abuse.
Why, yes, it does, and that is in fact a lot of sense. There are abusive fundamentalist parents, and they do indoctrinate their children into the idea that their authority is absolute, no matter how violent and/or rapey and/or suffocating.
But it’s all worth it, he says, because dom/sub is erotic.
Submission isn’t an erotic necessity because of the evil patriarchy. It’s an erotic necessity because male submission is fundamentally ugly to women. Women are typically attracted to a man’s confidence and initiative in the face of risk — and therefore not to a man she can lead by the nose because he fears causing a fuss.
So how does this work? What about men interacting with other men? Do they have to keep dominating each other to avoid repulsing each other? So that every encounter is a spiral of dominance that ends in violence?
In some cases, yes, but most of us see that as less than optimal rather than the way things should be.
It’s weird that this Matthew Cochran fella apparently can’t see horizontal relationships but only vertical ones. Do we have to see each other as either dominant or submissive? Can’t we see each other as equals, with whatever differences of personality and opinion we have?
We can, yes, but godbotherers maybe find it more difficult. The god-human relationship is obviously vertical, so fans of the god are conditioned to see things that way. Yet another reason to turn your back on the whole thing.
“because dom/sub is erotic.”
Lots of people who think so manage to keep it in the bedroom. Since when do we make law based on what’s sexy?
This is what caught my eye, too. My husband and I have a partnership. He does not submit to me. I do not submit to him. Our marriage is stronger and happier than my parent’s dom/sub marriage (and my mother wasn’t great at submission, either, only preaching and teaching it, and pretending to submit).
I have seen studies that suggest that equal partnerships are more likely to be lasting marriages than one where one party dominates the other, and the other submits. I have also seen people suggesting that’s why same sex marriages are so threatening to fundamentalists – because the partners are the same sex, there is less domination/submission, and they are models for how these marriages can work. I don’t know if that’s true (that they are less dom/sub), but if it is, it’s certainly an interesting idea.
Right? It seems so obvious. Some hierarchical relationships are inevitable, and some of those are useful, but why would you want to live permanently with either a superior or a subordinate? Why would you want to look either up or down instead of across?
Good…uhhh….grief.
I clicked through the “fundamentally ugly” link to see what it was about, and there were more links, and more links, and, and…what a morass.
I gave up after a while. Life is short.
People are typically attracted to a person’s [noteNot fond of the number switch here. It’s awkward and inelegant.] confidence and initiative in the face of risk.
Some people are attracted to hierarchical/codependent relationships, but such relationships tend not to be particularly healthy for either partner. This, of course, refers to hierarchy within the relationship. It is perfectly possible for a low-ranked person to have a rewarding relationship with a high-ranked one, and vice versa. One may be a CEO and the other a high school teacher, but as long as that hierarchical difference does not shape the way each partner sees the other qua partner, then there is no problem.
Submission is an “erotic necessity” even though the majority of people aren’t in to it?
Looks like someone has been reading the 50 Shades of.. series along with his Bible.