Trump’s off to Ireland now, to visit his impecunious (aka stone cold loser) golf course.

Trump’s visit to Ireland is not an official one, although he will meet with Taoiseach Leo Varadkar briefly at Shannon Airport. The visit is primarily for the president to stop off at his own golf resort at Doonbeg, in County Clare, where his ideological war on the environment takes something of a physical form.

A sprawling, luxury property, Doonbeg sits on the west coast of Ireland, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. Trump opposed the construction of a wind farm near the site in 2014, and sent a celebratory tweet when the local council denied planning permission. There was a mild controversy in 2018 when it emerged he had lobbied Varadkar – then the Irish tourism minister – over the issue.

Then in 2017, the Trump organisation was granted permission to build a 38,000 tonne sea wall to protect the resort from sand dunes which were facing coastal erosion.

Facing what? Erosion? How is that possible? How could stable genius Donald Trump have bought a golf course in a spot subject to erosion?

Perhaps ironically, given Trump’s stance on climate change, his own lawyers included in their application that climate change was partially behind the coastal erosion.

Oh, well, yes, that kind of climate change. But that’s totally different from that other kind! That other kind that doesn’t exist, and that will go away as long as everybody agrees to keep the water clean crystal clean like crystal so clean despite repealing regulations against pollution of streams rivers lakes ponds oceans and the like. No the kind that’s eroding Don’s dunes is a very small Irish local kind that just affects this one spot. It’s different. Not the same.

Local people don’t want Don’s wall though, and it’s hung up in the planning process.

An Bord Pleanála – an independent, statutory body – who are considering the appeal, told The Independent: “The planning appeal is still under consideration. A decision on the appeal is unlikely to be made in the near future.”

Then they burst into giggles and hung up the phone.