Ontology for fantasists
Oh good, another smug stupid slogan from another group that should know better. Lambda Legal tweets:
Qualities that make someone “a real man”:
1. Identifying as a man.
2. See above.
3. See above.
4. See above.#InternationalMensDay
Can anyone play?
Qualities that make someone a real pilot:
1. Identifying as a pilot.
2. See above.
3. See above.
4. See above.
Good? Compelling? Obviously true?
Qualities that make someone a real Beluga whale:
1. Identifying as a Beluga whale.
2. See above.
3. See above.
4. See above.
Qualities that make someone a real planet:
1. Identifying as a planet.
2. See above.
3. See above.
4. See above.
Qualities that make someone a real daffodil:
1. Identifying as a daffodil.
2. See above.
3. See above.
4. See above.
Qualities that make someone a real Model-T Ford:
1. Identifying as a Model-T Ford.
2. See above.
3. See above.
4. See above.
It’s all so enlightening, isn’t it?
You forgot otter. And for not centering transotter voices, even while knowing one of your regulars is a transotter, I declare The Shunnening upon you.
Also, will a woman identifying as a man get her out of being pressured for sex by her boss? etc. etc.
I just want to make it clear, in light of the above, that my claim to be a stapler, made in a reply to an earlier post, was intended as an example only. I am not, in fact a stapler and never have been one. I don’t want to be mistaken for one either. I do not want to be mashed on top of my head in someone’s vain attempt to conjoin sheets of paper. I don’t look much like a stapler and certainly couldn’t pass as a stapler either, but we know that that’s no way to judge these things, is it? So, mea culpa. I have taken on the Identity of an item of office equipment in a deceptive, bad faith, Sokal-esque manner, all in the name of emphasizing a point in an irreverent (maybe even humourous?) manner. I aplogize to any staplers who may have suffered Actual Harm due to any of the Actual Violence in the preceeding statement and in the offending comment itself.*
*But I will continue to use staplers in the time-honoured fashion of mashing them in attempts to conjoin pieces of paper, which doesn’t constitute any sort of violence at all. They’re staplers fer chrissakes.
Jolyon Maugham would have found me out in an istant, but he’s got that Magic Gender/Stapler Decoder Ring thing. None of you (that I’m aware of) have the benefit of such sources of Knowledge, Insight and Truth, so I’m just making sure.
So, to recap: Me. Not a stapler. Thank you.
That is all.
In other words: A “man” is anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as etc… etc… ad infinitum.
As always.
(Of course this makes the Genderspeak definition of “men” identical to the Genderspeak definition of “women” , which makes it even more confusing that being labeled as one or the other should be so vitally important…)
Does this really work for everything? I identify as a millionaire. Now I’ll just sit back and wait for someone to bring my wheelbarrow loads of cash…
No that’s not how this model works.
You go to the bank and say you identify as a millionaire and they are legally obligated to treat you as one. You get to write million dollar cheques which everyone is obligated to accept. You get to have everything millionaires are entitled to, no questions asked, and if anyone refuses, you get to scream “BIGOT!” and have them fired. The IMF, WTO and World Bank are all on your side.
It helps to announce your new millionaire identity if you dress up in a tuxedo and top hat like the little man in Monopoly. This lets people know that you are really a real millionaire, with real millionaire money.
Let me know how that works.
Tsk.. tsk.. When will people learn that being a millionaire has nothing to do with the amount of money You have. Some millionaires are penniless, some fat people are nothing but skin and bone, some unemployed people have a steady job, some blacks have light skin, some old people are in their teens, some pacifists are serial killers, some vegans eat tons of meat, some teetotalers drink a bottle of whisky every day, some atheists believe in God, some circles are rectangular etc… etc…
I see that trans-racialism has arrived.
https://www.womenarehuman.com/trans-racialism-officially-arrives-as-university-union-announces-policy-of-enabling-self-identity-as-black/
Aww this is all so complicated, I confused myself there. No, of course I don’t get money from calling myself a millionaire. Might as well expect to grow a penis by calling myself a man. I can’t believe I got it so wrong. Although, wait….
I identify as someone who is never wrong! (Insert evil laugh)