Originally a comment by Omar on As the police leaders laughed.

Trump does not need a speechwriter. He just needs a blank form in which he can fill in the spaces, and maybe the odd picture he can colour in in primary colours in case he gets restless and bored. I humbly offer this as a first draft.

It must give you all here at ………………………………. to have me, Donald Trump, President of the United States and the greatest genius in the world, no make that the Universe, present here with you at …………………………………….. on this raised dais above you so you can all see me, and with the TV coverage from all the networks that matter, which does not include ……………………………………. . and everyone please note that its CEO ……………………………………………….. sent me a humble, grovelling apology for something someone on it said on that network and is now back in favour with me, thanks to that humble, no make that humble, crawling, grovelling, obseekweeus or whatever the word is apology from its CEO ……………………………………………………… which was posted to my press secretary ………………………………. who passed it on to my political adviser …………………………………………… who passed it to my chief of staff …………………………………………….. I accepted it but told but told them to tell him to make sure in future he held everything in the nearest Trump Hotel, golf course, tower or whatever, of which there are currently ……………………………. to choose between.

Why we are here at ……………………………………. when we could be at Trump Tower or at Trump Golf Club or one of my chains of hotels needs investigating. Chief ……………………………………… please start a police investigation of that as a matter of supreme national importance.