Or, better yet, FemmeMarch
Jacob Tobia’s tweets about how we need to stop talking about women and feminism were a short version of an article he wrote explaining that we need to stop talking about women and feminism. It’s good to get his full article in all its profundity.
This month is Women’s History Month. From Oprah’s speech at the Golden Globes, to the fervor of the #TimesUp movement, to Women’s Marches across the country and around the world, women’s power has been growing and spreading and amplifying like whoa. Which is, obviously, something I am thrilled about.
Obviously. But. We can tell there’s a “but” coming. We’d be able to tell even if we hadn’t read his tweets.
But amid all of this pussypower, I’ve found myself struggling to communicate with feminist allies, organizers, colleagues, and friends about something that’s been putting me off: the word “woman” itself.
That’s one hell of a “but”! Weeeeeee I’m thrilled about all this women’s power only there’s just this one tiny thing…the “women” part. Other than that I’m over the moon!
I don’t want to be difficult or anything, but I’m just not sure that the word “woman” can hold all of the political weight that we need it to in 2018. Try as I might, I can’t shake the feeling that organizing solely around “womanhood” is also organizing solely around the gender binary. In an era when so many genderqueer and nonbinary young folks are throwing off the idea of manhood and womanhood altogether — the idea that people can be reduced to one of two gender categories in the first place — “woman” as a sole identity around which to organize feels, I dunno, retro? Counterproductive? A touch off-base?
When many of my organizer friends use the term “woman,” I know that they don’t mean it in an exclusionary way. They use it as an abbreviation for a more complex, nuanced set of identities. In their minds, “woman” is just shorthand for “transgender women, cisgender women, and feminine-of-center gender nonconforming/nonbinary people.” But the trouble with this shorthand is that, in the public imagination, it can quickly feel like erasure.
Whereas getting rid of the word that names half of fucking humanity is the kind of erasure that is A-ok.
Though contemporary, enlightened, intersectional feminists understand the term “woman” as a wide and all-inclusive net, that understanding gets lost more often than not.
If it’s “all-inclusive” then what does it mean? And why isn’t Jacob Tobia yammering at men about being inclusive and intersectional? Why does Jacob Tobia take it for granted that it’s women who have to move over and shut up and stop talking about their rights?
Most people don’t realize that the term “woman” could even be shorthand in the first place. We have to face the fact that, to most people, the term “woman” doesn’t paint a rainbow picture of all people on the feminine spectrum. When the average person hears “woman,” they hear only “person born with a vagina.” So when we say “woman,” they assume it means the same thing as “female.”
Again – what about men? Why aren’t men being rebuked and lectured for using the word “men”? Why aren’t we being splained how rainbow and spectrumy the word “men” is? Why aren’t we being told that when the average person hears “man,” they hear only “person born with a penis”? Why is it only women who are told to make way?
As much as folks want to claim an intersectional approach, organizing that occurs solely under the label of “woman” always feels to me — a genderqueer, male-assigned, feminine-of-center cutie with facial hair and a bold lip — like something of a fuck-you.
Well you know what, Jacob? Your eagerness to get rid of the word “women” feels to us like a massive, calculated, impudent, entitled, male-centered fuck-you.
I look around a room full of Women’s March supporters and I wonder to myself, “Do they understand me as a woman? Do they really get how much I belong here? Or do they just think that I’m some sort of cute ally?” I look around a room full of celebs proclaiming time’s up and I wonder if they really see me in their movement. I listen to Oprah talking about “every woman who chooses to say, ‘Me too.’ And every man who chooses to listen” and I wonder: What doesshe mean by “woman” and “man”? How does she understand those terms? What do they mean to her?
Is she thinking about me enough? Is she thinking only about herself and the other women? How can I stop her?
Naturally, it’s scary to bring this up. As a nonbinary trans person whose femininity is invalidated and attacked at every turn, I often lack the courage to talk with cis women about the way that their language feels to me.
Because he realizes how outrageous it would be?
I’m afraid (and reasonably so) that the moment I open my mouth to critique language used by the women’s movement, I’ll have my femininity attacked all over again.
Oh. I see. It’s all about his “femininity,” and the women’s movement has a hell of a nerve not putting him first.
He offers the “elegant” women and femmes solution.
Think about it. What if, in her Golden Globes speech, Oprah had instead said, “I’m especially proud and inspired by all the women and femmes who have felt strong enough and empowered enough to speak up and share their personal stories.” What if she’d declared loudly and for all of America to hear, “For too long, women and femmes have not been heard or believed if they dared to speak their truth to the power of those men. But their time is up.”
Everyone who watched her speech would’ve been productively challenged, perhaps even confused. There would be questions, sure: “What does femmesmean?” “Why did she say that?” but those questions would be a good thing for feminism. Overnight, the entire Internet would’ve exploded with essays about what “and femmes” meant. It would prompt an outpouring of discussion, the likes of which we have never seen, about exactly what it means to welcome trans women and gender-nonconforming femmes into the fold.
If, as trans-inclusive feminists, we stop saying “women” and start saying “women and femmes,” I think we might be able to ensure that our message is no longer lost in translation. I mean, “The March for Women and Femmes” has a nice ring to it, no? Or, better yet, FemmeMarch. Now that is a sexy, overtly-trans-and-nonbinary-inclusive title I can get behind.
There it is. In the first post I said it would happen next year, but there it is already – no more women, just “femmes” – and not real femmes, not girly lesbians, but men appropriating the word for themselves.
You couldn’t make it up.
What the hell is a non-binary transperson? Jesus…
Anyone for identity bingo? Also, I don’t think that ‘cutie’ means what Jacob seems to think it means. If nothing else, he’s a tad old to be referred to as cute.
Ooh, I know the answers. In order; no, no, and fuck, no.
Or get a kick in the balls?
Because there’s none at the moment? And it would help if you could actually nail down some definitions that you all agree on.
But it won’t stop there, will it? Every identity (and every permutation thereof) will want its recognition. Remember LGB? How it became LGBT, LGBTQ, and so on? How many letters long is it now?
Finally, from Ophelia;
But they do, as they go along.
Huh?
This. Activist trans women would have a lot more credibility in my eyes if they didn’t act like men always do when invading women’s spaces.
His idea of a FemmeMarch; is anybody stopping him from organising one? Although, of course, as per his claim that ‘women’ is an exclusionary term for not including femme, so his FemmeMarch cannot call itself overtly-trans-and-nonbinary-inclusive unless it is called The FemmeOvertlyTransNonBinaryLesbianGay (deep breath) BisexualTransEverythingQueerDualSpiritButNoGirlyCootyMarch. Which doesn’t exactly trip off the tongue. And isn’t sexy.
Also, I don’t think that ‘cutie’ means what Jacob seems to think it means.
I’d bet Jacob that is using “cutie” in the “QT” sense, as in “Queer and/or Trans” — insufferably twee, sure, but not mistaken.
What about the vast number of overtly-trans-and-nonbinary-people, not to mention just plain old people who identify broadly as men and especially women, who don’t want their lives, pursuit of respect and rights and specifically protest movement to be ‘sexy’. What if a women just wants to just wear whatever the hell she likes, with or without make-up and a fancy hair style and head out the door and do her thing without a second thought from or for anyone else. Can they just be allowed to do that? It doesn’t feel at all non-binary-inclusive to me. In fact, the opposite.
But we’re the ones ‘organizing solely around the gender binary’, right?
That right there is what many of us have been saying all along; these ‘intersectional’ types aren’t ‘rebelling against the gender binary’ in the slightest, they’re merely demanding to choose their own position between the two poles of that binary. ‘Nonbinary’ my ass…
musubk, #8;
It’s not binary (stamps beautifully Choo-adorned size 12’s), it’s a spectrum with infinite gradations. Infinite, I tell you.
Ophelia:
It falls upon us to do the necessary work. I’ll go first!
(Emphasis added.)
Sorry, Jacob. Back to the coloring board. You have no way of knowing that all those gropey harassey people identify as men. Some of them may be masculine-of-center nonbinary cuties. Stop erasing trans and nonbinary abusers.
How did you know how I leave the house every day? Are you stalking me? (Cue paranoid music)
I like how the original women (apparently aka “cisgender women”) get second billing.
Yep, you called that one.
Is there any limit to what feminists have to accept without being tagged “TERFs”?
Well iknklast, I’m not stalking you. That’s the good news. The bad news is I made a wild generalisation that most people go outdoors, which of course some people do not. A very tiny fraction of people. Life is easier if you make broad assumptions is it not? It’s like, I know that some people are intersex and others are trans. I also know that the vast majority are within the broad classification of men and women. As a result, walking down the street, if I think about it at all, I peg people as men or women unless there is a really good reason to use a different classification. I also figure it’s really not my business to dwell on the internal dialogue that person has about their identity. If we interact I try to respect their wishes. To do otherwise would feel like smashing down your door to establish if you’d gone out or not. :-)
So, once again those who don’t even recognize the “gender binary” (i.e. the one that is alleged to exist between “male” and “female”, or, if you prefer, “masculine” and “feminine” ways of thinking and feeling) as a real thing (i.e. those who see everyone as non-binary) are accused of enforcing it, while those who insist that that it’s real and applies to pretty much everyone except themselves are seen as rebelling against it.
Never mind that this excludes all the people with innate physical traits more representative of mothers than fathers (formerly known as “women”), who fail to think or feel the required way about themselves.
Isn’t “femme” just some trendy new term for feminine? So doesn’t “FemmeMarch” exclude non-femme women?
PD, remember that in Gendespeak being “feminine” (whatever that’s supposed to mean?) is the only thing that makes someone a “woman” in the first place, so by their definition those people wouldn’t qualify as “women” at all.
(And when I say “definition” i really mean “circular non-definition”)
As usual, the problem with feminism is all you pesky women.
Well the obvious answer is the PeopleMarch (I think we can safely ignore the weirdos who think they are robots or cats). That would be superinclusive although maybe a bit confusing as the targets of the march would be Other People but hey ho.
On the subject of why there’s not this problem around “men”, I’d say it’s because, to use a sporting analogy, men is the open competition. There’s no need for a march to advance men’s rights and so no need to be over fussy about who the definition fits. To return to my sporting analogy; if Serena Williams wants to play the men’s tour next year then a gimmick but fine, if Rafael Nadal want’s to do the reverse – borderline cheating.
Maybe that’s the answer – the marches could be billed as “NotMen”. It’s inclusive, easily understood and, whose breast (used here in the poetic sense) would not swell with pride at the empowering thought of being defined by not being a man.
Right that’s that sorted. I’m just off to the Middle East to bring peace be pointing out that – vengeful god, beards, pigless diet, hate NotMen (think this is really going to catch on) – Jews and Muslims are pretty much exactly the same so what’s with the not niceness.
And what of those of us who identify as lemurs? Are you ignoring our identity, failing to center the lemur-identified in your movement for not-men? Some lemurs (in fact, all lemurs, I daresay) are not men, since man is a term used broadly to refer to male humans, and therefore the lemur-gendered need to be included in the march, or you will be exclusionary.
The point of all this is, have these femmes ever considered that people have been told, in all seriousness, that yes, of course, their gender can be pizza, and his femme march excludes all the pizza-gendered?
‘Femme’ is already taken, it already has a range of meanings which really can’t be stretched to include ‘genderqueer, male-assigned, feminine-of-center cutie with facial hair and a bold lip’.
Jacob doesn’t get to just decide a new category out of the clear blue sky.
(Waves Magic Wand of Intersectionality)
Oh…yes he does.
Oh’s noes, is Jacob appropriating words? Tut-tit (just spotted the typo on preview, too good to correct) Jacob.
iknklast, don’t fall for Rob’s denial. I’ve seen that MOA telescope they’ve got over there. :-()
James Howde (I know it’s you, Jared; the Middle-East reference gave it away), there’s a problem with NotMen. Just as Non-White gives the impression that white is the default setting for humans, making anybody non-white seem to be a deviation from the norm, NotMen could be seen to imply the same.
John the Drunkard, there’s no need for a magic wand. Dictionaries are soooo last-year, don’tcha know (ignore the dictionary quote above….there is no dictionary quote above).
Cam, thanks for the clarification of ‘cutie/Q.T.’, that’s a new one on me. I have to wonder why Jacob didn’t write it as QT’s; probably couldn’t spell it!
Oh, unrelated, I see Trump sacked Tillerson by tweet today. https://news.sky.com/story/rex-tillerson-replaced-as-us-secretary-of-state-11288230
AoS, that does it. I’m watching you too.
Ooops, I mean, nothing to see here.
PS, at what point is there no longer a functional difference between a femme trans and a gay man who likes dressing as a women? Other than identity of course which is internalised and can’t be determined without conversation. Which presumably would be rude to initiate.
Rob (waves jovially in a general southernly firection), I think that the distinction may be easier to tell when the non-binary people actually manage to come up with coherent and agreed-upon definitions of their nomenclature, rather than the ad-hoc, make-it-up-as-we-go-along system currently in place.
I suspect, however, that Linnaeus had an easier job sorting out the taxonomy of life on Earth; fewer categories, I believe.
That’s ‘direction’, btw.
I know, I watched your finger slide off the d key onto the f…
I agree with you @24 also.
If you haven’t seen it already, you need to drop over and check out the latest Jesus & Mo.
Yep, four frames of genius, iknklast.
Heh.