Guest post: Law & Order: Trump Investigations Unit
Originally a comment by Screechy Monkey on Mistakes were made.
Tune in this fall for the premier of “Law & Order: Trump Investigations Unit”
Detective: “Captain, the suspect was found at the crime scene, holding the murder weapon. He had the victim’s blood running down his arms. His DNA was found under the victim’s fingernails, showing signs of a struggle. Two weeks ago, he took out a life insurance policy on the victim naming himself as beneficiary. Multiple witnesses report that he had a screaming argument with the victim earlier in the day. A search of his personal computer revealed multiple Google queries for things like ‘how to get away with murder.’”
Captain Trump: “Well, let’s just see about this.”
(walks into interrogation room)
Captain: “Did you kill your wife?”
Suspect: “No.”
C: “Ok, then, you’re free to go.”
Detective (aghast): “Captain! We have all this evidence against him!”
C (shrugs): “Man says he didn’t do it. Whaddayagonnado?”
Voiceover: “Next week, on Law & Order: Trump Investigations Unit”
Detective: “Well, we thought we had the right suspect, but it turns out that DNA evidence conclusively proves him innocent.”
(camera pans to the suspect, a young black man)
Trump: “Hang him. And then get me a Big Mac.”
There has to be a part in that show for a C.S.I. named Gull(ible) Grissom.
Utterly unrealistic. The real Trump would order KFC.
I left out the stage direction — he’s already chomping on KFC, the Big Mac is for dessert.
Jeff Sessions has a supporting role as the District Attorney, who has just barely enough integrity to ignore the very worst of Trump’s orders (“hang him”), but not an ounce more. And be on the lookout for a great guest appearance by Jeff Flake as the head of Internal Affairs, who winces dramatically and wrings his hands over Captain Trump’s antics before doing nothing whatsoever.
But it’s not all drama. There’s a great running gag where Captain Trump tells every prostitute that she reminds him of his daughter.
Ha, very funny, and very accurate.
I can’t figure out if Trump’s that easily fooled or if he thinks we will be (I’m leaning toward the former).
Please pretend I have the ability to read ahead and that my comment on the original thread is here instead of there. It had Blackadder in it and everything.