“Something I never thought about until I was on the receiving end of it”
In October 2014 Meghan Stabler wrote in the Huffington Post about being named Working Mother of the Year.
What is remarkable is the staggering inequality we working mothers face. The reality of the workplace for women in 2014 is stark; I know because I’ve seen both sides. I started my career as a male, and as long as I presented as such, I found that my views and opinions were widely respected. But since transitioning to my true, authentic self, I’ve come to recognize the gender-stereotypical male dominance in meetings and work in general, something I never thought about until I was on the receiving end of it.
Ah – isn’t that interesting. It’s helpful of her to admit it.
That admission is exactly why we pesky radical feminists say that if you grow up presenting as male and you never think about the gender-stereotypical male dominance in meetings and work in general, then in that sense you did not grow up a girl or woman. That’s why we say growing up with male privilege does make a difference, a difference that matters, and that’s why we say trans women who grow up that way shouldn’t be talking over us or correcting us, let alone bullying and dogpiling and shunning us.
Live as a woman by all means, present as a woman, identify as a woman, hang out with women as a woman – but do not tell us that growing up presenting as male makes no difference. That’s not for you to say.
I really think there should be coaching for transwomen before they transition, so that they at least know in the abstract what it is they are getting themselves into.
It kind of amazes me anyone doesn’t think about it. But as mentioned, I work in a sector that’s oddly quasi-segregated. Still, aren’t pretty much all of them that? How does anyone simply not think about it? Not really grasp/fully appreciate, I totally get. Indeed, I’d quite expect that. I doubt I really can. But not think about at all? What?
Oh, and re ‘not fully appreciate’, I doubt there’s anything I could really do to get there. With due respect to trans women who I fully appreciate face their own challenges, their experience will still in all likelihood be different than that of someone who _began_ life in the particular perceived category of ‘girl’. Experiences of earlier years especially are likely to have heavier impacts, and women are told all through these what the expectations are. Person by person it will be different, sure, and maybe you’d have a better idea if you transitioned earlier, and, sure, it’s not like it’s all totally alien to anyone (most of us will be delivered expectations of _some_ kind or other that are neither just nor especially healthy, for various idiotic, ‘traditional’ reasons), but honestly, I think what’s missing here, again, is an appreciation that standard gender expectations are kinda corrosive overall, especially nasty to women, many, many places. I honestly and especially don’t get how someone likely to be particularly mangled by these in their own way wouldn’t have mulled this at least a little.
It is because they think they are valuing one another on merit, not sex. Then when a man transitions they discover the way they and other men behaved was nothing to do with merit and entirely about male dominance.
I am amused at how carefully they separate themselves from the behavior when describing it.
Andrew @ 2 – yes but…that’s a thought I have a lot, about so many things. “You’ve never even noticed that _____?” That’s how feminism is. It’s frustrating as hell but it’s reality. And, correspondingly, I’m sure there’s all sorts of crap about race that I don’t notice. Also correspondingly I’m sure there’s all sorts of crap about being trans that I don’t notice…although I do notice the crap men and boys get for not being butch enough, because – how ironic – it’s insulting to women and girls too.
Another choice quote:
…
It doesn’t even actually follow that having been treated as a woman all one’s life necessarily opens your eyes to misogyny and sexism. It’s only been in the past handful of years that I’ve come to grips with how misogyny and sexism have affected my life; I believed people were valued on merit…and I just didn’t have that much merit. But now that I’m into and beyond the stage in my career where I’d expect to be reaping the financial and social benefits of decades of achievements, and I see my male colleagues with less to show for themselves getting these benefits while I’m pretty much stuck in the same career situation I’ve been in for 20 years, having to prove myself over and over…I can start to acknowledge what systemic sexism really means to me personally.
Any personal point of view is incomplete, and so is that of any narrowed community. That’s at least TWO layers of obscurity for just about anyone thinking about sex and gender.
But someone who ‘never thinks?’
OTOH there are trans women who do internalize misogyny pre-transition, so being raised and socialized as a boy doesn’t isolate everyone from this.
Though on second thought the fact that I wasn’t (and to an extent am still not) completely and consciously aware of the pervasiveness of sexism and misogyny doesn’t negate that my personality and behaviour are inescapably affected by it in too many ways to describe. I defer, I’m used to being ignored, I play the appropriate role (‘cute snarky kid’, even at my age) to get the result I want, rather than just behaving like a rational adult, I absorb constant criticism, I accept having to do my own work without help and to drop everything to help others,. etc. etc. These are the kinds of expectations and behaviour modifications Stabler wouldn’t have been aware of.