Rebounding or bouncing works very well
Hmmmmmm.
A site called “healthy holistic living” asks us when we last “drained our lymph fluids.” You what now? That would be never, and who the fuck says we should?
A guy called Paul Fassa says so.
Your body’s lymph system is the sewage system for even normal metabolic toxins, and more so if there are health issues. Lymph nodes provide antigens for purifying fluids containing anything from allergens to cancer cells. That fluid is simply called lymph. There is more lymph in your body than blood, but unlike blood, there is no pump for lymph.
If lymph doesn’t move out of small lymph nodes through their ducts into the kidneys and liver, it backs up like a clogged sewer line. Lymph nodes can become infected and you wind up with the misnomer of “swollen glands.”
Lymph nodes are not glands, but the accumulation of contaminated lymph fluids leads to all sorts of health complications, some serious.
Hmmmmmm. What does that sound like? Oh yes, like bullshit.
Obviously, anyone who eats and drinks processed food and sodas or alcohol while leading a sedentary lifestyle is stuck with a compromised immune system from clogged lymph fluid toxins that need to be drained and eliminated through the kidneys. But the sedentary lifestyle can be a killer for even those who eat healthy!
Obviously? Obvious to whom?
So, how do you go about “draining” this “accumulation of contaminated lymph fluids”?
You bounce.
Rebounding or bouncing works very well for moving lymph fluid enough for the kidneys and other bodily organs to purify it. A mini-trampoline bouncer can be purchased for around 50 US dollars, more or less. It is like a mini-trampoline, around four feet in diameter.
It’s close to the ground, so all you do is step up and bounce up and down for 10 to 15 minutes, indoors or outdoors.
You don’t even have to leap high enough to clear the spring-bound mat, and you can hold onto something nearby to stabilize yourself if there are balancing issues.
And if you do fall off and crack your skull, well, your now immaculate “lymph fluids” will fix that in no time.
Each time you bounce you increase the gravitational pull on your lymph. You’re getting low level “Gs”or increased gravitational pulls similar to what you feel from sudden changes of vehicular speed and direction or crazy carnival motion rides.
With intense walking or even gentle rebounding, the “G’s” are in vertical alignment with your body and its lymph system.
If you enjoy the more difficult task of jumping rope exercises or more strenuous activity such as half-court basket ball, tennis, or racquetball, there you go, moving your lymph node fluids enough to facilitate toxin elimination. Any athletic activity that requires jumping and/or running is great.
I hit the Google to learn more about this health crisis and learned that the more usual fix is massage. I also learned that even Andrew Weil calls bullshit on the claim that all couch tubers need lymph drainage.
Dr. Weil believes that lymphatic massage is a worthwhile treatment for lymphedema, but he emphasizes that individuals who do not have lymphedema do not need lymphatic drainage, no matter what health claims are made for it. He notes that some internet sites warn of the health consequences of “sluggish lymphatic flow” and promote lymphatic drainage for all manner of supposed benefits ranging from detoxification of the body, regeneration of burned, injured or wrinkled tissue, anti-aging effects, and relief of sinusitis, bronchitis, ear infections, chronic pain, fibromyalgia, constipation, insomnia, memory loss, cellulite, and obesity. He also says he has seen lymphatic drainage promoted as a beauty treatment. However, Dr. Weil has not seen good evidence supporting any of these effects of manual lymphatic drainage. Dr. Weil emphasizes that manual lymphatic drainage is not a necessity for general health and explains that lymph fluid circulates as result of muscular contraction, including the muscles used during normal physical activity. As long as long as your lymphatic tissues or lymph nodes have not been damaged or removed, Dr. Weil maintains that that there is no need to worry about lymphatic flow and drainage.
Cancel that trampoline purchase.
Oh come on now, it’s not like there are freely accessible educational textbooks and videos that anyone with internet access could take a few minutes to read or watch and discover the bullshit for themselves….
Free “Human Anatomy & Physiology” introductory textbook authored by experts: https://openstaxcollege.org/textbooks/anatomy-and-physiology/
Free “Crash Course” video intro to the lymphatic system: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7orwMgTQ5I
Free Khan Academy videos about the lymphatic system: https://www.khanacademy.org/test-prep/mcat/organ-systems/lymphatic-system
Those of course are just a few examples of the misinformation being propagated by Big Academia, you know, that group of eggheads who are out to get everyone with all their damned facts and evidence-based hooey and stuff.
(WARNING: This post contains levels of snark that may not be suitable for all readers.)
Will seriously and vigorously nodding agrement (in front of sedentary screen) suffice to clear those drains?
Otherwise, we’ll soon be Bouncing into Graceland (Graceland, Memphis, Tennessee) along with Paul Simon.
The crazy thing is that people will do this, and they’ll basically just be doing jumping jacks for ten minutes a day, and they’ll genuinely get healthier because that’s serious exercise.
Right, Patrick. I think it’s weirdly more frustrating than pure bad advice, because they are giving some good advice (don’t be sedentary; even fairly light exercise done daily will help improve your health; find an exercise that works for you) cloaked in layers of garbage.
Well they could also say don’t drive nails into your head, or don’t jump in front of moving trains, or don’t test what a chainsaw does to your leg, but so what. A stopped clock is right twice a day but that doesn’t make it a useful clock.
Not that anybody is saying it does, I’m just saying the small bits of good advice are too obvious and well-known to be of any value given the rest of it.
It’s more like– it makes me angry with the levels of human stupidity, that ” exercise is good for your heart, muscles, and brain” may not motivate people but “OMG, drain your lymph toxins before they kill you” could!
The way so many people, given a choice, prefer the con artist to the honest adviser. And when it is done in a way that let’s people justify their laziness, cheapness, or fears without helping them, it’s easiest to just have pure anger at the con artist. But when the con artist is tricking them into doing something good for them that they otherwise wouldn’t do because why listen to stuff that doesn’t press your buttons– then my anger is spread around and mixed with confusion.
I see what you mean. One of them there complicated thoughts!
If your lymph system is working properly, it is already doing all necessary drainage. It’s the cleaning system, that’s just what it does.
And virtually everyone’s lymph system is working properly.
Samantha, for many people it’s a matter of “Alternative Therapist Good, Real Doctor Bad!” Real doctors are in league with Big Pharma, the manufacturers of exercise bikes and all sorts of other evil people, whereas the alternative therapist is unselfishly concerned with your health and welfare. If the real doctor says you should exercise for the sake of your heart then that must be some sort of con, but if the alternative therapist says you should exercise to drain your lymph system that is an entirely different matter.
‘Dr. Weil has not seen good evidence supporting…’
Golly! Weil has made a career of ‘seeing’ supportive evidence for all kinds of snake oil.
Years ago, a student of mine leant be a book promoting mini-trampoline use. While most of it was marginally sane, it did go into lymph voodoo. AND, the author managed to connect his promotion to some obscure corners of Mormon theology. Some madness about gravity being a ‘divine gift’ to be used for ‘healing.’
Just hit the right, vague, ‘holistic’ tone and you have a pre-addled customer base for ANYTHING. Not unlike the practices of A Certain Political Party.