Prepare to be inspired
The BBC has an annual series called 100 Women.
BBC 100 Women names 100 influential and inspirational women around the world every year. We create documentaries, features and interviews about their lives, giving more space for stories that put women at the centre.
One of this year’s influential and inspirational 100 is a woman who calls herself “a surrendered wife.”
Californian Kathy Murray says she saved her marriage by giving up trying to control her husband. Despite considering herself a feminist, she follows – and now teaches others – the approach of a controversial book called The Surrendered Wife, which tells women to stop nagging their partners and start treating them with more respect.
Gee, thanks, BBC. I’m sure that out of the 2 billion or so grown women on the planet, that was definitely one of the top 100 influential and inspirational women you needed to highlight.
Murray and her husband fought a lot. Then the lord spoke to her through a reactionary self-help book.
I was about to end my marriage when I picked up a book called The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I mean, they don’t teach us how to be successful in marriage in school and the women in my life didn’t share the secrets either.
It was incredibly humbling to recognise that I had something to do with why my marriage was failing and perhaps even why my first marriage failed. But it was also empowering.
I didn’t know I’d been disrespectful to my husband or even that I’d been controlling and critical.
I thought I was being helpful and logical. I just didn’t know that respect for men is like oxygen, so no wonder my husband was no longer interested in me sexually.
I’ll never forget the day I first apologised to my husband for being rude for correcting him in front of the children, or the day I said “whatever you think” when I’d previously been extremely opinionated about what he should do.
So what is the inspiration here? For women in general to surrender? The BBC finds that inspirational, does it?
I’m not wasting the time to delve into it, but I’m willing to bet this is one of those Christian marriage books that doesn’t realize there’s a third alternative to either 1) being in endless acrimonious competition with one’s partner and 2) being a doormat for one’s partner (hint: “respect” should not be synonymous with that second one).
Yep. Also, it’s occurred to me that the story itself sounds fake: it sounds like all those stories that go “I used to be a _____ but now I’ve seen the error of my ways” that are fake as plastic grass. Like the trolls who used to run around atheist & skeptic blogs saying “I used to be a huge fan of Freethought blogs but then I” blah blah blah. I bet this woman was never the least bit feminist, I bet she’s bullshitting.
Remember you’re living in Trump world. None of this should surprise you.
I don’t remember seeing anything previously under the ‘100 women’ banner on the Beeb news homepage even though I’m a daily reader. What a great start to start to promoting the section to wider readers, especially the ‘stop naging’ headline…
The BBC is such a broad organisation now, some of their content and programming comes across as trash
y – I especially dislike the increase in clickbaity ‘feature’ headlines on the site that include the original article. I haven’t watched BBC 1 or 3 contact in years. BBC 2 and 4 (especially 4) still produce fantastic content, as do BBC Radio 4 and 6.
and a post-Brexit Britain in the case of the BBC
It’s true that no one teaches you the secret to successful marriage in school; that’s not what school is for. Plus there is no secret to successful marriage – the answer is different for different couples. But I find it hard to believe that a successful marriage has anything to do with one partner surrendering their own life to the other. At best that seems like a success only for one half the marriage.
@6: You should have a look at Libby Anne’s dissection of _Created To Be His Helpmeet_ by Debi Pearl. It’s truly bizarre (the book, I mean). In rigidly dogmatic religions there really is a one-size-fits-all answer for everything.
Steve – I know. I was raised that way. I found my way out. My sisters didn’t.
Since when did ‘treating with respect’ = ‘surrendering?’
No suggestion that husbands should ‘respect’ their wives of course. This is ANOTHER Fundy Franchise. I’m not sure why this one flourishes while things like ‘More of Jesus, Less of Me’ (a weight loss book) can’t seem to gain the traction.
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