So the pope got chatty on the plane back from Sweden, where he’d gone to celebrate the anniversary of the Reformation, so have a good laugh about that before we proceed.

A journalist for the Catholic News Agency was there to catch the pearls of wisdom as he dropped them. The hot news flash is that he said the church isn’t budging its shiny little ass on the question of women priests. That’s still a big No and always will be, the affable theocrat said.

During a press conference Tuesday aboard the papal plane from Sweden to Rome, Pope Francis said the issue of women priests has been clearly decided, while also clarifying the essential role of women in the Catholic Church.

Oh yes rush to get that in there, lest we think he doesn’t like us. Of course he likes us! We’re so soft and sweet and cuddly and kind of soothing after a hard day chasing choir boys. He likes us, he just thinks we’re second rate. You understand.

After stating that the issue of female ordination is closed, the Pope added that women are very important to the Church, specifically from a “Marian dimension.”

Of course. A “Marian dimension,” meaning a soft and cuddly and vastly less important dimension. Meaning having nothing whatever to do with any kind of power or making any rules, such as for instance that women can’t be priests. Only men are fit to make rules saying that only men can be priests. It’s very lucky that it works out that way, isn’t it.

“In Catholic ecclesiology there are two dimensions to think about,” he said. “The Petrine dimension, which is from the Apostle Peter, and the Apostolic College, which is the pastoral activity of the bishops, as well as the Marian dimension, which is the feminine dimension of the Church.”

Pointing out that the Holy Mother Church “is a woman,” Francis said that the “spousal mystery” of the Church as the spouse of Christ can help us to understand these two dimensions.

Oh go choke on a biscuit, Frank.