La plume de mon spuncle
There’s a thing called The 519 Church Street Community Centre which has Queer Parenting Programs. There is, naturally, a guide to language. To inclusive language, that is. The kind that includes everyone by carefully avoiding words like woman and sister.
Pregnancy and Birth
Pregnant person
Person who gives or gave birth / Birthing Parent
Pregnancy Leave (vs Maternity Leave)
Parental Leave (vs Paternity Leave)
Carrier Mortality (vs Maternal Mortality)
Carrier mortality. You have to pause to savor that one. They be “inclusive” by hiding the fact that it’s women who die in childbirth. Carrier mortality. Women might as well be incubators.
But eventually it gets funny.
Families
Sparkle (an older beloved one, e.g. vs Auntie or Uncle)
Sparkling (a younger beloved one)
Spuncle (a known sperm donor in the child’s life: sperm + uncle)
Spauntie (female-identified partner of a Spuncle)
Grand Spuncle / Grand Sparkle (parent/s of the Spuncle)
Spuncle. Spuncle. Spuncle.
Spuncle sounds like a Shakespearean insult.
Isn’t it funny how carrier brings up visions of Typhoid Mary and other nice little disease-bearing images? I’m a carrier…oh, isn’t that sweet…no, really, I’m a carrier, and you shouldn’t be standing so close
Had spuncle once. Thank heavens for cortisone!
Why do these organizations spend so much energy on stupid shit like silly word lists that sound like jokes? This is not the way languages evolve. Not. The. Way.
No word for your sparkling’s surrogate, um, carrier?
Oh. She was probably just some woman. Not part of the family.
Does anyone know if Canadians use the word “spunk” the American way or the British way?
Actually it doesn’t matter. Vulgar word or correct word, I think it’s a bit odd to name a person after his sperm. And to insist children do the same.
@Sea Monster: “[…] after his sperm […]”
Careful, now…
So how come ‘uncle’ is used as a base for ‘spuncle’. I thought uncles ought to be called ‘sparkles’ under this new system?
So I guess Spuncles are male identified be default then? What if the Spuncle has a male identified, non-donor partner? Erasure!!1! What about Sp* pronouns?
It’s nice that they left ‘Traditional Carrier’ and ‘birth canal’ as a gesture of goodwill to women and Femme-Spuncles
Can I just say how offended I feel by being erased as a formerly pregnant person who had a c-section? I have a vagina, but it most definitely is not a birth canal; that one was temporary and custom-made for the kid. How dare they not include incisions!
Also the reluctance to even mention formula is a bit conspicuous — contrary to “natural” beliefs, it is not poison.
“Carrier mortality” is the sort of thing you hear the Bad Guys saying in the early stages of a dystopian sci-fi film. It’s deliberately dehumanising language.
C’mon! this is an SNL skit, idn’t it?
Is the language guide an elaborate hoax so that we start discussing “Carrier” and “Spuncle” again Ophelia?
Carrier and Spuncle sounds to me like it should be some comedy or variety duo or something… Welcome to this week’s ‘The Carrier and Spuncle Hour’.
Ha!
I for one do not want to discuss Carrier’s spuncle. If you want to hear about that I’m sure he’d be more than happy to oblige you.
Carrier and Spuncle – a vaudeville pair beloved by few.
Or perhaps it’s that Olde Timey Carrier and Spuncle’s Washing Up Powder – when you want to wash those pesky women down the drain, there’s no better than Carrier and Spuncle’s! Now with extra Mortality!
“Oh FFS Carrier, you don’t have to brag about your conquests to every woman who walks through the door!” – Spuncle, on The New Odd Couple.