Guest post: We get our hair mussed
Originally a comment by Screechy Monkey on The remarks were cryptic and left room for broad interpretation.
Trump: “So remind me again why I shouldn’t nuke ’em?”
General (desperately wishing he’d taken that retirement): “Well, sir, first of all, the immediate impact would involve the deaths of millions of innocent civilians.”
Trump: “But foreigners, right?”
General: “Well, yes. And there would likely be millions more casualties in the long-term due to fallout and increased cancer risks….”
Trump (eyes glazing over, tiny trigger finger itching)
General: “…uh, and also, there would likely be a reprisal.”
Trump: “Yeah, but not nuclear, right?”
General: “Actually, yes. Their nuclear capabilities consist of…”
Trump: “THEY’RE ALLOWED TO HAVE NUKES? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?”
General (pondering how to explain the history of nuclear proliferation to a man with the attention span of a mayfly): “….well…”
Trump: “IT WAS OBAMA’S FAULT, WASN’T IT?”
General: (sighs)
Trump: “Ok, so they nuke us back, we get our hair mussed a little… well, not my hair, ha ha…”
General (grasping for inspiration): “well, Mr. President, it is possible that the enemy chooses to retaliate somewhere where you own property.”
Trump: (pouts, sighs, pulls out phone) “Fine. I’ll just tweet at ’em, then.”
Yep, being concerned about an ignorant, tempermental, easily provoked idiot having control of a nuclear arsenal is exactly like thinking the magic man in the sky is going to end the world because some ancient book says so. Well spotted.
Maybe as a safety precaution, before Obama leaves he could get his tech people to rewire the red button so that every time he hits it it just sends a random insulting tweet.
@ 2 Screechy Monkey
I believe you’ve misidentified the butt of the joke. (It ain’t you.)
Ah, yes – I’m very confident Stewart wasn’t making fun of you, Screechy Monkey.
@ Screechy Monkey – I loved what you wrote; the comment wasn’t prompted by it or intended as criticism of it. It was an additional, and naturally comically exaggerated, take on the whole question of Trump and nukes.
(Is amused…)
Genuinely not trying to bring anyone (further) down, but my first thought about the property angle was: hey, y’know, that ‘he won’t let anything happen to his hotels’ thing _could_ actually be a real safety…
But then, the reality: 1) I don’t think he really owns that many, nor in that many places, 2) He’s an incredibly inattentive manager who lets stuff happen to his businesses _all the time_, probably just from having lost interest, and 3) On the flip side, he _might_ just impulsively order an invasion if he thought the locals were trashing his (probably already kinda trashy) lobby…
So, y’know, mixed bag at best.
(On the inattention thing: full disclosure: _I’m_ pretty bad that way. Good at starting things. Less at finishing. Makes the guy’s failings seem oddly familiar, now and then. But, then, I’m also not putting myself forward to run a major developed nation. I call this knowing myself, so far as that goes.)
@ AJ Milne: Yes, I had visions of Trump sending in the Marines to save his properties and serve his own interests, not those of the USA, but I think you’ve probably hit the attention span thing correctly. Then again, if it makes his brand look bad, he still might do it. So, we are about to enter the age of “What’s good for Me (Trump) is good for America.” Marines hitting beaches can look so cinematic, particularly when they look the part ( maybe he’ll only allow Marines who look like movie Marines to take part. Any John Wayne look-alikes out there? There may be a job for you….)
Not even inaugurated and already Worst President Ever.
Stewart, my apologies for the misunderstanding. A little quick on the trigger myself.
AJ Milne, yep, it’s been noted by many that Trump’s hotels overseas are a nice juicy target for any terrorist group that wants to goad the U.S. into a stupid response. That would be a disturbing prospect even if Trump wasn’t… you know, Trump.
” man with the attention span of a mayfly”
Are you sure?
When an apparent idiot succeeds an something like getting elected president, I wonder if it is a case of
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ObfuscatingStupidity
Jim Baerg @10,
Yeah, I’m pretty sure about Trump having a short attention span. I feel like I’ve got plenty of evidence to support that, if you really want to discuss it.
“Apparent idiot” was your phrase, not mine. I think Trump is an idiot when it comes to many things, but he isn’t a complete all-around idiot. For example, he is really, really good at self-promotion and, relatedly, media manipulation.
What makes Trump scary — well, one of the things that makes him scary, there’s also the nastiness — is that he doesn’t recognize his limitations. He thinks he doesn’t need intelligence briefings, understands ISIS better than the generals do, and has a “great temperament.”
@ Screechy Monkey:
No problem – I believe we are definitely on the same side :)