The girl that nobody wanted
This is a terrible story from two years ago.
A Belgian man has chosen to die by euthanasia, after his sex change operation turned him into “a monster”.
Nathan Verhelst, 44, was administered legal euthanasia on Monday afternoon, on the grounds of “unbearable psychological suffering”, by the same doctor who euthanized two deaf twins last year.
Shortly before he died, he told Belgium’s Het Laatse Nieuws: “I was ready to celebrate my new birth. But when I looked in the mirror, I was disgusted with myself.
“My new breasts did not match my expectations and my new penis had symptoms of rejection. I do not want to be a monster.”
Verhelst was born the only daughter in a family of three boys, and admitted that he had been “the girl that nobody wanted”.
That’s horrifying. I hope he didn’t get the sex change operation because he had been “the girl that nobody wanted” – I hope there was a lot more to it than that. But even assuming there was a lot more to it than that, it’s heart-breaking.
Not that I think that’s anything exclusive to people who want a sex change. There are lots of people whose unhappiness with their bodies basically ruins their lives. I shouldn’t be surprised that some of them choose suicide…but god it’s sad.
How is this a thing? State-sponsored suicide?! I’m gobsmacked.
I know what it’s like to be the girl that nobody wanted. I was reminded all my life I was supposed to be a boy. I spoiled my mother’s plans. And then I couldn’t even be a girl right. I insisted on doing things that girls weren’t supposed to do, like going to college, and not being interested in things girls were supposed to do, like having tons of kids, wearing make up and finger nail polish, and shopping. I preferred tromping in wetlands and staring through microscopes.
I understand what this poor man was going through. I spent years in therapy, and told my doctor I was a mutant, some sort of hybrid not one thing, not the other. Not good enough to be a boy, but not good enough to be a girl, either. I think I’ve gotten past most of that now, though occasionally an odd bit of socialization will rear up and bite me in the butt, but I nearly killed myself over my sense of not “being right”. Right for who? Once I realized it was all about being right for me, I was all right, or mostly, but it took a long time and a lot of pain before I got there.
@ SamBarge: I don’t want to minimize the complexities of the topic in what amounts to a drive-by comment (sooo busy right now), but please, please look into Right-to-die and Death-with-dignity movements. Note that the suicide is legal, not necessarily state-sanctioned, and that the current major alternative is the moralistic Right To Suffer™ model that has failed so many so badly.
I can’t speak to the particulars of this case based on what’s presented, but the new legal Right to Die bills passed in, e.g. Oregon, the Netherlands, etc. come with a lot of hurdles and medical checks against people deciding to end their lives on simply a whim. Obviously there are opportunities for abuse, and this has to be heavily regulated, but … yeah, that’s the complexities of the topic I don’t have time for right now.
Basically, all I’m saying is that “how is this a thing” made me cringe. It needs to be a thing, or you get people like the RCC ignoring DNRs and end-of-live covenants.
Would be happy to discuss further, but out like The Flash.
PatrickG – thanks for your comment. I had the same cringe reaction. I feel very strongly that death with dignity at a time and place of your own choosing should be a right. Criminalising the person seeking an exit, their doctor and any friends and family who are present or have foreknowledge is utterly shameful and runs counter to any concept of compassion or ethics I understand.
Me too.
I’m gobsmacked.
Yes, there should be a right to easy suicide, but it should be truly a last resort. A way to deal with unrelenting physical suffering. Not self-hate like this. That should be something that society should be able to help. This person felt rejected and unacceptable. Treating people well, helping them see their inner beauty when their exterior isn’t what they want, should be the first line of assistance. The apparent lack of that is what makes it sound horrifying.
I’ve been dealing with allergies of the most frightening kind lately. I turned into a swollen-faced, red rashy alien looking creature, and my skin felt like I’d been dipped in acid. I’m on strong emergency medicines to control it but they are dangerous long term and we aren’t sure yet about treatability.
I really have been needing emotional support and thank goodness, I have friends who are there when I feel worthless and weak and like a detriment to society. I worry for people who don’t have that.
Samantha, what you are experiencing sounds awful. I’m glad that you have support and I hope that that continues. Even more, I hope that your doctors can figure out how to bring your problem under control.
Issues surrounding right to die are both very simple and very complex at the same time. My own reaction is, I fully admit, an innate one rather than a carefully thought out intellectual stance. It’s my life. It’s the only life I have. I should value it and recognise the value of that life to my family, friends and society. When I decide that my life no longer has value to me, it should be my choice to end it in a manner that respects the fact that others will have to deal with the consequences of my action.
The example in the OP is terribly sad, simply because it seems from the report that the poor person never had the family love or support that we all need to function in society. I do believe that there should have been intervention at a much earlier point in their life to remove them from an emotionally abusive situation. We don’t know from that report how much assistance and counselling they had later in life. Western European countries have a good reputation for social services although I suppose even they have limits and failings. Maybe they fell through the cracks, maybe the system failed them. Maybe so much damage had already been done to them by the time they were a few years old that it was never going to end well.
In any event this is an outlier case, even for Europe as far as I’m aware. Any law that legitimises personal choice in this manner will have consequences that make us uneasy. The alternative is worse in my view.
@ Rob:
Quoted for truth. This is an extremely difficult topic, but we have ample evidence that moralists declaring that one does not have the right to die does a great deal of harm.
@ Samantha Vines:
I don’t disagree with anything you say. In fact, what motivates me to comment is the so-obvious empathy in your comment. It’s this that really struck me:
Should be able to help … is not where we are, even in the most advanced societies. Which truly sucks, but with ample evidence that society not only doesn’t help, but actively works to cause more harm in many cases. In the absence of other options, self-determination in terms of (legal, regulated, and safe) suicide is the only option I can see.
In a perfect world, the right to die would only be exercised by people who truly have no option (terminal disease, incurable suffering, and the like). People who want to preserve their own dignity knowing that soon they will lose such. That said, insert obvious comment about perfect world fallacies here.
Me too. :/ That ties into the empathy that I felt in every sentence of your post.