Guest post: Being an AIDS patient in a Catholic building
Originally a comment by Kevin Hutchins the Bellinghamster on Left to the Church and its tribunals.
My HIV physician is continuing her private practise, but because so much of the work involves the hospital, she might be actually moving her practise INTO the hospital by the end of this year. She said it’s a trend in Infectious Disease specialists.
It’s a Catholic hospital which has already almost killed me before.
When I try to tell her i’m concerned about this, she says she doesn’t see anything improper happening, she assures me she’ll keep taking good care of me the same as always. I didn’t have a chance to press the issue with her because we were too busy talking about medical physiological issues for me to even have time to get into these more abstract things. I told her I’ve always trusted her because she’s helped keep me alive for years, but I have so much paranoia being an AIDS patient in a Catholic building with Catholic crucifixes in the alcoves and Catholic crucifixes on the desk staff and Catholic prayers over the intercom… and almost entirely Catholic employees… employees who are very likely to be looking less favorably on the fag with AIDS who comes into their hospital, than they might look towards some other kinds of patients, good Christian faithful patients.
The paranoia is unproductive, I try to stop myself from going overboard, I don’t want to be afraid of Catholic boogeymen, the way that some Christians get their panties in a bunch around queer boogeymen.
But they’ve already demonstrated poor decisions during my previous inpatient stays at that hospital and one time it almost killed me (but I survived, but it was incredibly torturously painful what they were doing wrong for a few days continuously) so I have shaky confidence at best. The only thing that keeps me from giving up on the situation entirely is knowing that my partner will stick by my side if I have to be at the hospital. If I had to do any more of this ALONE, I would just be too paranoid and scared and I would give up.
This is part of why i think Ophelia’s blog is so important. It helps remind the queer atheist feminist gender-nonconforming vegan pacifist that there are people who care and people who have overlapping problems, and we can all look at them and discuss them together. No matter what our gender or personal characteristcs are, no matter how weirdly different, this blog is good for making people feel like they have somewhere to voice concerns that would get them into serious trouble if uttered in most other places.
That must be a really horrible place to be, Kevin.
I truly don’t know what to say, or do.
A small comfort is your having your partner’s support.
You must be very brave! (Almost envy that … )
Thank you. I do want to emphasize that it occurs to me frequently (even at those times when i’m distracted by my own medical issues) that this is easier for me as a “white” person that it would be if i were a “black” American. I can’t even begin to think about the extra difficulties that would be added if i were a “female” person. And when i think of people i’ve known who wound up in prison, i can’t imagine how i’d cope with anything if i weren’t safely at home. And this is all manageable for me at the moment because i only have First World Problems. Unlike the majority of people in the world who have AIDS, i have doctors, medications, and a partner sticking up for me. I never take that for granted as the pills are going in my mouth, pills which aren’t provided to most of the black women with AIDS in other places, aren’t provided consistently to the largest populations of people with AIDS.
Having most of those privileges*, I’m still in envy of your courage!
* Except for nationality. And basically decent health. So far.
That’s awful, Kevin, I’m very sorry to hear it. Although I love Bellingham in general, there are definitely aspects that are bad. Your hospital experience is a good example. (Another would be the evangelical haters who infest the farmer’s market with their wretched signs every saturday.)
“This is part of why i think Ophelia’s blog is so important. It helps remind the queer atheist feminist gender-nonconforming vegan pacifist that there are people who care and people who have overlapping problems, and we can all look at them and discuss them together. No matter what our gender or personal characteristcs are, no matter how weirdly different, this blog is good for making people feel like they have somewhere to voice concerns that would get them into serious trouble if uttered in most other places.”
^^All of the above, yes!
I’m sorry for your situation Kevin.
Best wishes,
Another atheist feminist gender-nonconforming vegan (raised fundamentalist Christian)
Thank you, MrFancyPants, and thank you, teslalivia. There is something about having a “safe space” (even if it’s just a virtual blog-space in the abstract) which makes me feel less fearful and more encouraged. As imperfect as Bellingham is, there are good parts which make me want to stay here. And the internet is a big help, something i never thought about as an advantage back in the 80s and 90s before everybody started using it thus.
Despite feeling very frustrated about the Catholic church and its policies encroaching on the healthcare system until people’s lives are endangered, i am trying to see some good things and not just focus on the negatives while living here in Bellingham. For instance, the Church Of Scientology on my street went out of business a few years ago, and their building was sold… to my doctors’ network, who transformed it into another healthcare office. So, savor the improvements, i guess.