Apparently this is not something from the Onion.

Dorina Rosin, a “spiritual healer,” plans to give birth in the sea with the aid of dolphins. Among other benefits, Rosin and partner Maika Suneagle believe that their baby will speak dolphin.

Really? They believe that how? If they had a Chinese midwife, would they believe their baby would therefore speak Chinese?

Also, what kind of aid do they think the dolphins will give?

Do they pause to recollect that dolphins are carnivores? Do they know what a carnivore is? Would they consider giving birth on the savanna with the aid of lions?

“In 2011 and 2014 I had the privilege to learn from and with wild and free dolphins and Humpback whales in Hawaii who transformed and healed me in a very profound way,” Rosin wrote. “I felt deeply called to spend two times three months in nature – mostly by myself – and to deeply connect to this magical place of beauty and transformation inside and outside which called me home.”

That sounds fun. The giving birth part, not so much.

CBS Atlanta offers more details.

Spiritual healer Dorina Rosin and her partner Maika Suneagle are appearing in the documentary Extraordinary Births to chronicle the woman’s journey of giving birth in the sea with a dolphin as a midwife, as reported by The Daily Mail. Experts say the plan poses the risk of other local marine life, like a great white shark, showing up in the water.

Ya think? Surely sharks wouldn’t be attracted by all that blood and stuff, would they?

Child experts warn that dolphins in the wild are unpredictable and dangerous and should not be trusted around a pregnant woman or newborns.

See, even child experts know that, and I bet adult experts know it even harder.