Coyne’s cat contest
Jerry Coyne is doing a cat contest, and I’m one of the judges, chiz chiz, so bring out your felids as long as they’re domestic.
It’s going to be agony, though, the judging. First of all, I don’t have the Latin.* Second, they’re all beautiful and winsome and hilarious, so how can I choose?! Third, there is a kind of knowing that is needed for judging betwixt cats, and I haven’t been trained in it. Fourth, despite solicitation, no one has bothered to bribe me. Fifth, I am warm and kind and compassionate and I can’t bear to hurt the feelings of any cat or human by not giving the prize to her/him/it/them. Sixth, I have some kind of bite (spider? louse? puff adder?) on my left forearm, and it interferes with my concentration.
But never mind all that. Send in your fish-breathed quadrupeds.
*Spot the reference for bonus points.
The reference is to
Monty PythonBeyond the Fringe. ThewelshWelsh miner doesn’t have the Latin that is needed for judging.No offence to the Welsh intended by the lower case ‘w’.
Close but not quite! It’s from Beyond the Fringe – Peter Cook says it. Python of course was a close cousin of BtF.
I am going by memory, so I’d better check now…
Yes. Whew.
I could have been a Judge, but I never had the Latin for the judgin’. I never had it, so I’d had it, as far as being a judge was concerned…I would much prefer to be a judge than a coal miner because of the absence of falling coal.
I’ve always been after the trappings of great luxury. But all I’ve got hold of are the trappings of great poverty. I’ve got hold of the wrong load of trappings, and a rotten load they are too, ones I could have very well done without.
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Peter_Cook
The only way to do this and keep your sanity is to use your own secret judging criteria, or rather criterion, as simplicity is the key. Something straightforward and quantitative. Size of the bribe is pretty good. Failing that, I’d go for size of the cat. Give the prize to the fattest cat. Of course, you might have to say some guff about the excellence of coat colour and glossiness and the correct ear shape etc.
A Molesworth reference and a Peter Cook reference in the same post! Be still my beating heart!
Ah, phooey, and I was think of the fringe when I said Monty Python. That’s what happens when you do things too quickly! One of my favourites is the homily and the line, “Life is like a tin of sardines; we’re all of us looking for the key.”
Not to worry Eric, you get full credit for thinking of Fringe.
Is the homily the one Alan Bennett did, with “My brother Jacob is an hairy man, but I am a smooth man?” I’ve been saying that line at random intervals all my life.
I think my metric will be quantity of amusement – though cuteness may well be a troublesome variable. Oh dear.
How much of a bribe are we talking here Ophelia? I put in a composite photo of one of our cats, Cheeky. As we have 6 cats in total (and 7 goldfish, some mussels too, oh and coconuts!), a 6 month old son and a large mortgage, you wouldn’t want too much of a bribe would you? How about I fawn about your website. Oh wait, I do that anyway….
I’ve tried to subtly threaten Russell, bribe you and I have no idea what works with Miranda. I wonder if it would be easier to buy a copy of Jerry’s book, then post it to him to sign it with return postage? Still, Cheeky does seem destined for world domination, so perhaps it’s fate that I enter him?
I am in a position to offer a very compelling bribe, which no judge in her right mind could possibly decline. It is so fabulous that the hypothetical judge will have to award the top prize to my two cats, pictured together in one (1) and only one photo doing something that cats ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO! Which CATS SUPPOSEDLY HATE. They are the super-heroes of cats. If a hypothetical judge received the bribe and didn’t come through with the award, well, she would be burdened with guilt. And no big friend in the sky to absolve her, either.
Ahem. . . Furthermore I have no evidence that they are lacking the Latin.
They are truly cats to be thankful for.
This is some Sophie’s Choice type stuff, I tell you what. There are so many awesome kittehs!
Claire does it have to do with a faucet?! I saw that picture on your page earlier. So adorable. Now I will have to pretend I don’t know you…Conflict of Interest, you know.
Totally Sophie’s Choice. I’m hoping we can have about 25 honorable mentions.
If I ever get off me arse and select the proper photo and do a write-up, I’ll be happy to bribe you! What’s your favorite restaurant?
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This is discrimination against dog owners and I’m going to complain to the UN. Or something.
Yep! That’s the one. I still have the record around here someplace.
Hmm, yes now that you mention it, there is a faucet involved. I guess now I’ll have to teach them to swim. Or start looking for a pig for them to ride on.
Or a baby tapir. Now that would be cute.