Sung by a chorus of dancing mullahs:

SHARIA

She’s by a tree with young Ali

Her husband is away.

We see here there

And grab her hair, she knows she’s going to pay–

And poor Ali he had to flee his parents couldn’t bear

To see him stoned for doing what is natural…..

She doesn’t seem repentant,

So we choose the largest stones;

The Prophet calls it mercy

(plus they’re good for breaking bones)

And young Ali has joined us

As a witness on his own;

We’re going to make her pay for what seems natural….

—I’d like to say a word before we throw….

Then say it Mullah Ibrihim

–Sharia says ‘Aim low.’

(Chorus)

O, How do you solve a problem like sharia?

How can we make the heathen understand….

How do we make the devils know sharia–

Is coming your way and soon will rule your land!

Oh great is the wisdom found in our sharia

Such wisdom cannot be equaled on the earth–

But how do we make you stay,

And listen to what we say–

Why do you spurn our Prophet and our God?

Oh how can we make you learn to love sharia–

Why does it always have to end in blood?

(Recitative)

When I read it I get chills

Paradisaical thrills

Emanate from every page my eyes do scan.

Full of justice full of love,

Full of vengeance from above,

It can only have been written by a man!

Just as fair as fair can be

Plain for everyone to see

Tit for tat and quid pro quo and eyes for eyes!

It ‘s amazing how it rings–

Allah’s wrath to all it brings

Swords on fire smiting liars for their lies!

It is truthful, it is just

It’s a mouthful, it’s a must–

It’s alarming—It’s disarming (giggle)

It’s the law!

Your daughters had better learn to love sharia.

The mullahs have said they ought to wear hijab

It’s all very clearly written in Sharia:

A snip of the clit by kindly Doc Hallab.

Your women will be protected by sharia

It keeps them at home and faithful in their bed.

The husband is smiling greatly for sharia

Says “Better off faithful to your vows than dead”

(Process to centre stage)

Oh great is the wisdom found in our sharia–

Such wisdom cannot be equaled on the earth.

But how do we make you stay

And listen to what we say–

Why do you spurn our Prophet and our God?

Oh how can we make you learn to love sharia–

Why does it always have to end in blood?