Arranged Marriages
There were some very interesting (and alarming) comments (by one ‘tarxien’) on this post by Sunny on the Brick Lane fuss by (the comments say) a GP who has seen some distressing examples of arranged marriage.
There is a very fine line between ‘arranged’ and ‘forced’…This is an issue I feel strongly about because as a GP working in Tower Hamlets and south London I have seen many desperate, depressed women in ‘arranged marriages’. None of them could be called ‘forced’ in that the women were not tied up and raped as has happened in some cases but you cannot ignore the emotional pressure that is put on young women by their families (i.e fathers in most cases). Once married these women have no realistic way out if they are not happy. Their own family disowns them once they are married. I could tell some shocking stories but space prevents me.
Then later:
Some of the worst cases of abuse I have seen in my practice are precisly where, either a British bengali woman has been forced or shall we say ‘persuaded’ to marry a man from Bangladesh who does not speak English or understand British traditions of womens’ rights or alternatively where a Bengali woman has been brought to Britain as a wife to a British man. The woman does not speak English and is extremely isolated, separated from her family and culture, often with a man who despises her for her ‘backwardness’.
In both cases it is the women who suffer. Obviously there are cases where the marriage works I would not dispute that. But there are a lot where it does not. There is usually a feeling among professionals – doctors, social workers etc, that we cannot intervene because it is a ‘cultural ‘issue and would upset the community.
I cannot begin to describe the frustration I have felt in having to walk away and leave these women knowing that their life is intolerable. One woman told me clearly that, after 15 years of physical, sexual and emotional abuse from a man who told her on their wedding night that he had only married her to obtain a British passport, that she was waiting until her daughter was old enough to look after herself and she would then take poison. She had tried leaving but her own family refused to take her in and told her to go back to he husband or the family would be disgraced. Shortly after this the family disappeared and I do not know what happened to her.
Do any of you know of any good books or articles on this? I’d like to know more.
Because it’s not that simple, for one thing: arranged marriage isn’t identical with slavery.
C’mon, you post an article on the poststructuralism of the IDF’s urban tactics, and you’re not going to start a thread on it?
Dave,
What the hell could one write about that? The mind is too busy boggling…
Well one reason I didn’t start a thread was it was the middle of the night. I’ve been experiencing a fun new variant of insomnia the past couple of nights – so I’d had enough sleep to post a link, but not enough to write a N&C on it.
It is rich, though, isn’t it…
“I cannot begin to describe the frustration I have felt in having to walk away and leave these women knowing that their life is intolerable. One woman told me clearly that, after 15 years of physical, sexual and emotional abuse from a man who told her on their wedding night that he had only married her to obtain a British passport, that she was waiting until her daughter was old enough to look after herself and she would then take poison.”
Erm … contact the police? At least make an effort to do something rather than just walk away saying ‘it’s all so sad but nothing can be done’.
I think these situations may be more common now, but I have known two young women who went off to have arranged marriages. One Christian Indian, one Hindu. The Christian one said she trusted her family to find her someone good. The Hindu one agreed. Both seemed to feel that they had the option of refusal if the candidates were not acceptable.
The part that bothered me was the girl who said her law degree was not her biggest asset as a spouse – it was her passport. Not blind, that girl.
It is pretty easy to dislike forced marriage but only when someone is prepared to bet their life on running away can they be helped; and who is there to help?
I saw a terrifying French movie about an Algerian arab girl living in Paris who was sold by her father back to Algeria; she ran, and was trapped and forced into prostitution in the very nastiest ways. The movie spun a story of how she fought and won back her life, and her sister’s life, but without an underground-railway style organisation there is not much can be done to save most.
Joshua – I sympathise, but many UKDoctors won’t go to the police for fear of strict breaching patient confidentiality rules, they could get struck off and sued; ruined. It sucks, but it’s the way it is.
GT, I’m sorry mate, but you’re just wrong on the Social Services issue. It’s cheap shots. Social workers are not too busy doing any such thing; if you talk to any frontline case workers or their under resourced, underfinanced, constantly scrutinised and stressed managers, you’ll feel a great deal of resentment towards some of the pc nonsense and bureaucracy that they have to follow in order to do their jobs. Forget education, policing, NHS resoiurcing in the UK, the real travesty of under funding and under-resourcing in the UK is Social Work. It’s an area most New Labour policy makers positively hate as there is no value added in terms of votes, and they would much rather the whole thing was subsumed into some cost-minimum sub-NHS function, or even privatised off. There are many threads in this site focussing on the liberal elite’s ghastly dependency on a huge low cost pool of unemployed labour and the underclass it creates, while at the same time they wring their hands over the economic effects. This callous doctrine of secretly hating the poor but simultaneously professing to champion them reaches its purest expression in the continued battering and underresourcing of social work. Sure, there’s been a handful of pomo tossers who let faith based crime continue under misguided notions of diversity, but most of the caseworkers are out there providing some kind of real assistance to people who are in most other respects getting totally f:cked over. Unfortunately it’s such a sh1te profession that yes, it does get infiltrated by men from lets say ethnic subgroups who really don’t always have the best ineterests of their bretheren and sistren at heart, at least not in our ‘western’ terms of liberty.
The real culprits are the offending families themselves, I agree. But don’t miscast all underpaid, under resourced public employees as aiders and abetters here. It’s the b@astards who reject protective legislation in favour of polishing their sanctimonious halos in the House of lords and Commons who are really furthering this deadly abuse. And we’ll never be rid of them.
GT – actually the Climbie enquiry showed that the case worker’s manager did indeed spend a lot of time going on about being black and being a Christian. It also showed that she’d clearly had a major breakdown that her managers should have picked up and signed her off sick for. She was not up to getting on a bus properly let alone managing a child protection unit. The case worker herself was eventually exonerated as it was proven that she’d been scapegoated after having no proper supervision despite her cases being complex disturbing and that she was a newcomer to the post. She simply went unmanaged during a time when caseworkers need constant monitoring and supervision.
It was proven to be a multidisciplinary cock-up – GPs, the police, the lot were equally to blame. Your crude stereotypes are not based in fact and are more appropriate to the tabloid press than any real scrutiny, a laziness which I know you usually abhor in others. And I know all this because I am surrounded by social workers in my personal life, am married to one and they’ll all tell you the same thing – there are too few talented case workers handling too many hard cases. Mistakes are made, yes, but that doesn’t equate a conspiracy to condone a mysticism of violence or a cult of abuse.
Please don’t continue your invective, ill-informed abusive prejudices about a profession you apparently only know about through the Daily Mail. This resource drain has been a 25 year political decision taken by successive govts, who cynically know all too well the outcomes, but chose to ignore them.
If you can show me links proving widespread tolerance of witchcraft abuses in London by social workers, rather than mere hearsay, I’d be very keen to see them. Very.
If you can show me how, as you alledge, social workers have destroyed childrens and famillies through child courts, likewise. Get me the sodding evidence.
And your last para is daft, that was one aberration on the profession in a limited geography over 15 years ago. That does not equate to the actual day-to-day practice social work, it simply doesn’t. It’s also possibly libellous mate ! That L*** word again.
Oh bugger, the L word again – I didn’t even notice it this time. GT – I think you’ll be banned now. JS did tell you.
I crossed with Nick, I was answering the previous post. But it is all interesting stuff and a subject I should know more about.
OB – I have asked a pal of some 30 years experience in the field to locate some recently published studies (as opposed to anecdote) on these issues. They are out there, but not, as one might expect, falling off the shelves of Waterstones.
Obvious I know, but as we’ve wandered away from it a bit just worth noting that GPs data proves that Monica Ali DID know what she was talking about.