Between a dildo store and a crematorium
Donald Trump’s increasingly desperate bid to hang on to the White House crossed into abject farce on Saturday, after his campaign staged a purportedly major press conference at a Philadelphia landscaping business situated between a crematorium and sex shop.
All your needs catered for in one quick stop.
On Saturday morning, as Trump played golf and continued to baselessly accuse the Democrats of stealing the election for Joe Biden, the president announced, in a tweet that was subsequently deleted, a “big press conference” at the Four Seasons in Philadelphia.
That’s the downside to tweeting while driving a golf cart.
Trump quickly altered his statement, revealing that the press conference venue was not a Four Seasons hotel, but Four Seasons Total Landscaping, a suburban business between a crematorium and an adult book store on the outer edges of the city.
“Big press conference today in Philadelphia at Four Seasons Total Landscaping – 11.30am!” the president tweeted at 9.45am.
To be exact, in the parking lot of Four Seasons Total Landscaping. It doesn’t get much more glam than that.
The Trump campaign has not publicly said whether this was, as it would appear, a case of mistaken identity. Either way, the press conference, headlined by Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani, went ahead in the car park of the garden centre in what USA Today called an “industrial park”.
We’re sure this isn’t an outtake from the Borat movie? Did Rudy “adjust his shirt” some more?
“I could write jokes for 800 years and I’d never think of something funnier than Trump booking the Four Seasons for his big presser, and it turning out to be the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot between a dildo store and a crematorium,” TV writer Zack Bornstein wrote on Twitter. Author Geraldine DeRuiter commented: “The real hero today is whoever answered the phone at Four Seasons Landscaping and offered no clarification whatsoever until it was too late. I salute you, my fellow patriot.” … Journalist Maggie Serota commented: “I will watch an 11-part Ken Burns documentary on the Four Seasons Landscaping story.”
Four Seasons Landscaping will become a new catchphrase.
If anything sums up Trump better, I don’t know what it is.
Trump’s reign started with “grab them by the pussy”, it ended with hundreds of thousands dead.
That was his presidency – between a sex shop and a crematorium.
Someone is already selling Four Seasons Total Landscaping t shirts on Etsy.
If you saw this in a satire on inept government administration eg The Thick of It, you would think it was too silly, even for comedy.
I’ve been laughing about it for all my sentient hours since yesterday.
I wouldn’t be laughing too much just yet. Did anybody see if the crematorium chimneys were active? Those furnaces can make a lot of incriminating evidence – not to mention ‘disloyal’ employees – vanish in a literal puff of smoke.
Dammit! I’m starting to sound as batshit as Trump, but there’s nothing I’d put past him if it gives him a chance to save his own sorry arse.
Fitting—he was raked, hosed, and burnt.
Also, Trump promised to run the country like he ran his businesses. Promises kept!
Just an afterthought: is it possible that Giuliani and the rest actually turned up at the hotel in the morning to get set up, only to be met by blank stares? I can imagine the Giuliani team getting angrier and angrier at what they saw as sheer incompetence on the part of the hotel, right up until an employee of the hotel thought to ask if maybe they had the wrong Four Seasons.
I wouldn’t want to be the staffer that made the reservation, that’s for sure. Probably first into the furnace, poor bugger.
I do hope so.
https://twitter.com/nanglish/status/1325242917519233024?s=20
I kept thinking of the “Stonehenge” sequence from This is Spinal Tapp…
Would I be falling foul of Godwin’s Law to point out that as Trump was playing golf when he was told of Biden’s victory, he’s now the second fascist in 75 years to have his reign end in a bunker?
#9 Bruce
YES!
I love this girl’s laugh.
https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1325566575387291652?s=20